Spiritual Transformations: Living Now In Eternity

I have been reading the book Spiritual Transformations: Science, Religion and Human Becoming by Karl E. Peters. I picked it up on the new books shelf at the library for three reasons:
1) The title sounded interesting.
2) It was thin enough to get through by reading a bit each night before bed.
3) There was a beautiful picture of light shining through green trees on the cover.

I know--don't judge a book by it's cover.

I finally reached the last chapter today and wanted to comment on a couple things I read.
"Like the Taoist story of the climbing of Mt. Everest--a story of conquest or of befriending--the Christmas story that I heard and saw portrayed, presented to me two ways of living on the edge of time--living by the power that destroys in order to preserve itself, or by the love that enables all people to flourish and fulfill their potential."

• I read this and had one of those moments where your brain is trying to take in the fullness of what you just read and still can't quite comprehend it, yet you love what it said. Isn't this the whole point--to lose ourselves in Christ and be so fully consumed by the Triune God that we let go of trying to secure our own lives and desires and live to love so that all around us might thrive?
  

"...being mindful of their needs and mindful of our limitations....Assuming whatever shape according to the conditions? That's playing when you think about it--the playing of young children. Becoming as a little child, Jesus says, one can enter the kingdom of heaven. When one becomes like this, one is living now in eternity."

• Reminds me of Paul when he writes "For though I am free with respect to all, I have made myself a slave to all, so that I might win more of them. To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though I myself am not under the law) so that I might win those under the law. To those outside the law I became as one outside the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law) so that I might win those outside the law. To the weak I became weak, so that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that I might by all means save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, so that I may share in its blessings. (I Cor. 9.19-23)
• Then there's this whole eternity piece; the idea that everything we do, no matter how insignificant we see it, is part of the cosmic work of God. We take part in this every day and moment, but we don't often realize it. That's what the mindfulness piece was about--being aware that we are here to serve others and in that we find our true selves and purpose is part of eternity...lived NOW.
  

From the Inside Out

For those of you who've been keeping track, Ben, Kirstin and Raider have now moved from Houston, TX to Valparaiso, IN into a hospice center. Ben is doing well without a breathing tube and they are comfortable and together as a family in the center.

The grief and injustice of Ben's situation has naturally brought to light questions about life and death. Since I've been so stressed lately with classes, work and all other varieties of little things that require my attention, I've taken the last few nights off from reading for history and just crashed. Took an hour nap each afternoon/evening and watched lots of TV/DVDs.

Needless to say Ben's situation has tossed me into deep existential waters. So here's what's been on my mind.
1) We really are just one whole being (body and soul) as the Hebrew scriptures testify. So when we die, like Paulson said in Jesus the Savior class, we wait in our graves until we are raised at the last day [for do we not deserve to wait as sinners and betrayers for the fullness of God's grace?). I still have a hard time stomaching this, but it makes more sense than a divided body/soul (thanks so much Greek philosophy). And who's to say what "in Christ" will look or be like after death [especially when I'm already in Christ now for certain as a baptized child--is this true for all creation because of the work Jesus did on the cross??]?

2) The greater issue at hand for me is the intensity on life now which this situation forces. We only get one life and one chance to live. There are no do overs or dress rehearsals. As a perfectionist and one so deeply in love with God, I dread disappointing God. Part of me says "You're gonna fail because you're human and imperfect. God will still forgive." But it feels like it's a trite saying because what we do is so grieving to God (when we screw up and hurt others or cause pain/division in the world).

• So is it true that God's forgiveness goes beyond disappointment, grief, hurt and the shortfalls we do/cause?
• Can God be so grieved and yet still wipe his hurt/grief away out of love for us?

Then I look at the rock Paul gave me on internship. Tangible, baptismal proof that God loves me ANYWAY no matter what. So it must be true, but I need to hear it.

3) My other worry is about stress and life. Is this the normal amount of stress most pastors endure on a day to day basis? If so, how will I ever survive? Perhaps this is just a crisis moment or perhaps senior year at seminary is more intense than congregational life.

My prayer tonight was sung through the words of a praise song entitled Inside Out by Hillsong United. You can find it on YouTube with lyrics in case you are inspired to sing along. May it bring your soul healing should you find yourself in a theological hurricane like me.