Movie Thoughts

This weekend I spent a lot of time watching movies. See there are many hours in the day to fill and not many things to fill them with. I watched some from my collection (Pirates of the Carribean, The Lady and the Highwayman, Pride and Prejudice, Matrix Revolutions) because there was nothing on tv except golf and car racing. I even cleaned my apartment and was still in want of things to fill my days. Naturally it was too hot to be outside (high 90's-low 100's with very high humidity--~60%) though I was extremely excited to use the rollerblades I'd picked up from the free room. Pays to keep tabs on that room.

Pirates: Dead Man's Chest
Very good. Extremely different from the first. The second was much darker than the first. More deception and reality to what life as a pirate was like--as opposed to the quaint romanticized version in the first. It was good for that, but I wasn't expecting it. I don't want to ruin the movie if you haven't seen it, but the kiss that Elizabeth gives to someone--you'll know the one I mean when you see it--could have been more passionate. It seemed kind of...eh. It didn't live up to the expectations the plot carved out for it. And the result of said kiss ushered in a very adult theme of jealousy, betrayal and all around heartbrokeness for one character. It fit the plot and movie well, but again, a surprise. Certainly a movie I will be adding to my collection and watching again. Gotta love the quippy, witty jokes, physical comedy and hilarity of really bad situations. Can't wait for #3!!

Friends with Money
I had read some reviews and was turned against it, but still wanted to see it. It was actually amazingly good. Most reviewers compared Jennifer Aniston's role to the one she did in The Good Girl, but Friends with Money was way better. It had far more depth and insight. The issues addressed were really good. Ever felt like you were out of the loop with your friends? Ever not meshed well with society's expectations? Ever not been able to find a decent relationship with a guy? Ever done things for reasons that no one else seems to understand? Then this movie is definitely for you.

I came home from the movie and wrote:
Did you ever feel like life just kind of slows down sometimes and you can/get to look around at things? Like you get a glimpse of what life is really like. That you can see things for what they really are. Suddenly your vision is clear and you can see what is going on with crystal clarity.

Disappointment abounds

I've been too disappointed with life to update this lately. I finally got my resume submitted for a job last week. It took two months for that to happen. But I was hopeful that I'd at least get an interview from it. Today the call came from the staffing company that they "liked my resume but that they were not going to offer me an interview because I had not worked in the chemistry field for 3 years."

I'm crushed. I really expected an interview. I suspect most companies will do the same thing. They will disregard me because I didn't get a job right out of college. How am I ever going to get a job? The one I have right now doesn't pay rent. How long am I supposed to wait? I can't wait too much longer before I have trouble finding housing since I don't have any money. Who would have thought that homelessness would actually be a reality for some day. How long will it be before another opportunity comes my way? Would that I had tried for that night shift job in May that I knew I would hate. Would have been money at least.

Everyone keeps asking me how the job search is going. I guess now I at least have something to tell them. Most of all I feel sorry for having wasted the time of those praying for me. I hate to cast doubt into the hearts of others, but doubt is the one thing of which I have a stockpiled reserve. No fear of that running out any time soon. How disappointing that the only thing I have to offer others is emptiness and void.

I cannot make any sense of this. I have no words to even question with. It is unexplainable and incomprehensible. Yet it is all perfectly clear what happened. Is this God's vindictive way of showing me I'm supposed to stay in seminary and get my MDiv? That my life in chemistry/biology is officially over? Wicked awful way to get the point across. And of all things, why should this tactic convince me? I don't think that this is true, but I have no other options for interpretation. I have not the eyes to see nor the spirit to believe. I feel as though I know nothing about living life. I don't understand what it is apparently and what I have been told and taught up to now has all been lies. Kindly spoken, well meant, but untruth all the same. Oh that I had been strong enough to crush my fears and gotten a job after college. That I had just joined the ranks of this world like a good soldier, but I couldn't. Fear among other things prevented me from taking that road. This is a sad and worthless way to live life. I have nothing. I have become a hollow, chocolate Easter bunny. Like chocolate does, its sugary sweetness is quickly dissolved and digested. Nice, sweet and decorative on the outside. Empty on the inside.