Don't Let Me Get Me In Good Company

This is the title of a great song by Pink. I mention it as a tribute to everyone who would like to take a vacation from themselves but finds that they can't get far enough away from the one staring back at them in the mirror. For those who find they are a hazard to themselves, rest assured you are in good company. Incidentally that's the name of a movie about finding out who you really are and learning to be okay when you discover you are not ultimately defined by what everyone else thinks you are or who they try to make you be. Such is the great quest of life: To become the fullness and wholeness of being you as you were created and to creatively share that wholeness with others.

Here's to a more radical freedom in life; a place where only one person defines who you are--God. Who better define you than the one who created you?
Speak your words of truth that I may know what truth is.
Tell me about your reality so that I may know what reality is.
Give me your grace so that I may have grace to give to others.
Saturate me with your Spirit that I may be only your presence.

Get It Together!

Flexibility is a wonderful thing. As a kid I did (and still do!) cartwheels, roundoffs, and handstands. I took gymnastics for a year and my muscles still remember their limberness. When I can make time for it I do a yoga routine that stretches muscles you didn't know you needed to stretch. Yesterday I was snowboarding at Steven's Pass. As this was only my second time flying down mountainous terrain in the snow I am so-so. I seem to have a fair amount of talent, but am in great need of practice. Needless to say, my knees are badly bruised and I think my left one is swollen just a bit. My butt is too sore to sit on, so I am leaning on my right side most of the time until it heals.

In light of this I ask myself why I scheduled a training session with Trainer Dave at the gym today. Let's just say I have reached a new level of soreness. During my hour long pain inducing time I learned that Dave has a very flexible work schedule and can manage his time however he wants. Most of the time I also have this flexible of a schedule. That being said, I truly am in need of a Blackberry or a PDA that will pull all 3 of my calendars (home/work computers and the one in my head) into one place so when I need to schedule an appointment with someone like say Trainer Dave I can avoid double booking myself and actually remember to show up at the right time.

Here I Am Stuck in the Middle With...

First let me just add the observation that there is this bizarre smell in the house like rotting garbage. The only things in my garbage can are some plastic wrap and a piece of gum. Since I took a shower today I'm thinking maybe my downstairs neighbors need to take out the garbage??

This afternoon I find the chorus from the song Stuck In the Middle With You running through my head. Earlier today I was scheduled to lead worship which included doing communion at each of the three services. While I was putting on my robe Paul dropped by my office/cube in full pastor regalia. He was supposed to be floating so I asked what was going on. Apparently Mark had asked him to take care of communion instead of me. I tried to go with the flow as part of the team, but something about it bugged me. Was I not capable or good enough to do it? If Paul was going to be there, was my presence necessary then? [Like the eunuch and Philip--here is bread and wine: What is to prevent me from leading communion?] Later on during a couple of the services Mark and Paul jumped in and did some of the pieces I was going to do. Were we in some kind of hurry? Did you really think I wasn't going to do it? (Apparently, since they did it for me.)

Lately I seem to keep banging my head into the intern wall. It's invisible, but you know it when you hit it. There is a great tension that is unspoken. On one hand I am expected to take initiative and be bold--to go for it. On the other hand I am expected to watch and learn whilst doing the tasks prepared/handed to me. Those two expectations are in opposition to each other. How can I be expected to lead effectively with little or no space to do so? I can't decide if I'm just being a snot about things or if this is a real issue worth haggling over. Guess I'll find out this week when I bring it up.

"Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you."