Cookie Monster

Back in college I used to give up cookies for Lent. It was my thing and it was always hard owing to my love of cookies--all kinds by the way. The cafeteria never made it easy because they were always well stocked with a wide variety.

Growing up in the church, people are always happy to provide food. Someone dies and there's oodles of food at the reception afterwards. Confirmation or some Sunday School event and there's snacks all over the place. Church fellowship and the potluck appears like it was magic. Now that I'm on internship I'm seeing even more of this. Exhibit A would be the empty tin of cookies I got from Eileen because she got them in her mailbox and is on a diet. Exhibit B would be the plate of cookies from a recent memorial service.

Today I came to the conclusion that if I could be healthy and survive on cookies alone, I would. I crave cookies. They are my favorite go to dessert. Imagine with me all the combinations of cookies: with or without nuts, chocolate, fruit, oats. And then there are coatings: frosting, sprinkles, cinnamon/sugar, plain--and yet I hate cooking them. They take too much patience. Who needs a round cookie when you could just dump the dough into a pan and turn it into a convenient bar?

I love cookies.

When Your Armpits Cry

There’s that moment when your body reaches a temperature where you’re hot but not too hot, yet your comfortable--and then it happens. One big drop of sweat runs down your arm like a tear down your cheek. You’re thinking “I wasn’t that warm so why am I sweating? And why does it have to come in one big drop? Gross!” Honestly, how is sweat supposed to cool your body when it runs off you that fast? All it does is make you feel nasty and messes up your clothes. This I do not understand.

The Good Hurt

Relationships are tricky things. What amazes me the most is how dependent human beings are on relationships with others and yet how temporal most relationships actually are. As kids we begin to learn how to relate to other people in good and bad ways through positive and negative experiences. These are the lessons we internalize deep within us whether we realize it or not. We are capable of inflicting great harm or creating immeasurable strength through the ways we relate to one another. Growing up, I had people who were very close to me abandon me and wound me. So losing people or saying goodbye or ending relationships has not been a positive experience for me. When the topic comes up and it personally relates to me, I cringe like an abused animal that hides in the corner for fear of the next blow. There are 2 responses:
1) Lash out in defensive anger
2) Say and do nothing

As I only have 2.5 months left in my internship at Trinity, it's time to be thinking about saying goodbye. I cringe as I read that sentence. I am also navigating the distance from my supervisor as he is on sabbatical for the last 3 months of my internship. It's bittersweet as I learn to fly on my own, but it's a form of goodbye and it's a precursor to the end of August. Apparently the way my brain is choosing to express all this emotional turmoil is by crying--a lot.

Psalm 30.5 reminds me that "weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes with the morning." Well there's been plenty of weeping for many nights, so my question is: When is the morning coming? The other thought floating in my head as I wait in this in-between time of almost done but not yet is that maybe the writer meant "mourning." I know, that's a cheap slip on the English translation and doesn't even begin to address the Hebrew in which the verse was written. But doesn't it make you wonder? Maybe the joy we experience through weeping actually does come in and through the mourning. Now that I've looked at the Hebrew, joy can also be translated "cry of lamentation, moaning."

Any respectable theologian (apparently) would not bother to read and especially not quote Matthew Henry because his interpretations are so archaic. Well count me in the non-respectable pile with the sinners as I give you some words to ponder from Matthew Henry.
"as sure as the light of the morning returns after the darkness of the night, so sure will joy and comfort return in a short time, in due time, to the people of God; for the covenant of grace is as firm as the covenant of the day."

The part that resonated with me was "in due time." The morning comes in God's time. We also know that God does not tarry, is right on time and is faithful to deliver on God's promises. That's why weeping, mourning, grieving becomes the good hurt. Before I wander into the corner of theodicy and whether God created suffering or not, let me just say that God experienced and knows the depths of what suffering is through the death of Christ on the cross. God understands the in-between time of weeping and morning. So I guess no matter how long the night endures, God is there in the dark with you--and me. That's some of the best good news and grace I've ever heard--even though my soul is still rent open and the tears keep flowing.