A Life Hidden

"The heart dies, a slow death, shedding each hope like leaves...
... until one day there are none. No hopes. Nothing remains. She paints her face to hide her face. Her eyes like deep water. It is not for Geisha to want. It is not for Geisha to feel. Geisha is an artist of the floating world. She dances. She sings. She entertains you,whatever you want. The rest is shadows. The rest is secret."

A life hidden...what is it? What awaits in the shadows? The mysterious unknown is tantalizing. Is she hollow inside? Does she hold desires or needs? Perhaps the answer comes from within. It cannot be grasped, but heard. It cannot be taken, but only received.

"Mother always said that my sister Satsu was like wood. As rooted to the earth as a Sagura tree. But she told me I was like water. Water can carve its way, even through stone. And when trapped, water makes a new path."

Quotes from Memoirs of a Geisha.

Becoming Real

I'm dog/cat sitting and Izzy the dog is begging for me to pet her head or rub her tummy yet again. She's just too adorable to deny. Not sure the true breed, but she looks something like a labrador/retriever dark brown/black.

Today at work I got pictures of where I'll be working for the next year on internship. It's gorgeous! I haven't been looking forward to it lately because work is interesting, I have a good supervisor already and the people I work with are fun. Then I saw the view from the porch. The excitement came flooding back. Apart from furniture, all I need now is an awesome digital camera to capture the beauty and excitement of next year. Take a look. You'll agree.

Online Chatter

Lately, one of my new ventures seems to be to combine my talent of writing well with preaching. Instant messenger has helped this tremendously, though there is the hitch of personal contact and visibility in preaching that is lacking. I wonder about this. Not that the word cannot still be effective, but could it be more effective in person?

Secondarily I muse about participating in an online chat where you can contact a preacher. Like a drop in chapel. I'm sure someone's already invented it. Imagine, if you will, one of those little gizmos that flashes "The preacher is online." All you have to do is click the link and you can chat directly. What say you?

Word for the Day

In honor of Glenn leaving the office...


Nothing is as scary as when it actually happens.

When the Spirit reigns, he pours.

Maybe Next Time...

Have you ever wanted another chance to try something again? A redo? A do over?

The funny thing about do overs is that they often come when you aren't ready to redo them. When the time comes for that second chance, you blow it yet again. Or at least botch your second attempt. I often wonder if we really ever want what we ask and hope for. Or maybe it's just that our minds are confined by the expectation that the situation will be similar and we'll be reminded and recognize that this is our second chance. As if anything in life, perhaps only rarely, ever happens like that. Such is the nature of the universe to be random and re-creative, packaging things as new surprises. Reminds me of the immune system. If an antigen mutates only one tiny entity on its surface, the immune cells do not recognize the change and the antigen must be attacked all over again as if the body had never witnessed the previous disease.

What is our recourse? Practice, practice, practice? Study more? Try harder next time? Hope for the best? Perhaps a combination of all the above. We need the practice, the muscle memory. It's what keeps us toned and ready. Yet I know me. In all of this effort I produce, I will blow it. The muscles will cramp. The fear will take over and seem insurmountable. I will stare blankly. It's guaranteed. So I turn to rest in the promise that God's Spirit is present and active in and through me. Maybe next time I'll function more like the clay vessel I was made to be that pours out the grace of God instead of a dried out potsherd. To sit here and speculate would only produce more fear and terror. Tonight, instead of speculating, I will ask forgiveness and pray for strength and words the next time surprise visitors come to my door.