Maybe Next Time...

Have you ever wanted another chance to try something again? A redo? A do over?

The funny thing about do overs is that they often come when you aren't ready to redo them. When the time comes for that second chance, you blow it yet again. Or at least botch your second attempt. I often wonder if we really ever want what we ask and hope for. Or maybe it's just that our minds are confined by the expectation that the situation will be similar and we'll be reminded and recognize that this is our second chance. As if anything in life, perhaps only rarely, ever happens like that. Such is the nature of the universe to be random and re-creative, packaging things as new surprises. Reminds me of the immune system. If an antigen mutates only one tiny entity on its surface, the immune cells do not recognize the change and the antigen must be attacked all over again as if the body had never witnessed the previous disease.

What is our recourse? Practice, practice, practice? Study more? Try harder next time? Hope for the best? Perhaps a combination of all the above. We need the practice, the muscle memory. It's what keeps us toned and ready. Yet I know me. In all of this effort I produce, I will blow it. The muscles will cramp. The fear will take over and seem insurmountable. I will stare blankly. It's guaranteed. So I turn to rest in the promise that God's Spirit is present and active in and through me. Maybe next time I'll function more like the clay vessel I was made to be that pours out the grace of God instead of a dried out potsherd. To sit here and speculate would only produce more fear and terror. Tonight, instead of speculating, I will ask forgiveness and pray for strength and words the next time surprise visitors come to my door.