To Bind Up the Brokenhearted....

The last week has been a roller coaster for me. I received news that none of the preferences I had put in for internship placement were granted to me. I spent last week trying to walk myself though grieving the loss of my plan for internship. That was fun. However, I did discover the beauty of Lamentations. I'm not so deeply entrenched in the valley of death now, but I'm still encamped on the hillside. The power of my old morose ruts keep unsettling me from my savior. What I ache for the most is something to ground me. I walk around each day with waves of emotion dividing me between the agony of an anxious, pained, unsettled grief and the knowledge of the hope that already belongs to me in Christ. I find myself in a situation of which I cannot preach myself out.

What I'm still struggling with the most is that while this isn't necessarily a personal hit on me, it actually is. I was asked to go and discern what God was calling me to for internship. I did that and then I'm told, by virtue of not being placed, that it apparently wasn't the right discernment. I hesitate to use right/wrong, but I don't have a better way to speak about it. Did I miss hear what God said? Did the placement people not hear properly? Perhaps we both did and yet evil still thwarted God's work. I realize that sin and evil are real (how ironic that the Spirit led me to inquire about evil in one of my class discussion groups before any of this even transpired), but I don't have the tools to work that belief into an understanding of what's going on now that brings me healing.

I titled this post based on Isaiah 61:1-3 and Luke 4:17-21. Bind up my heart oh Lord. Save me from this pit and recreate my life. Breathe new life into me. Heal my wounds, deep and raw.