Conspiring Together

Today was spent at Bethany Community Church in the Greenlake area of North Seattle conspiring about the kingdom of God. The morning kicked off with some acoustic worship that pushed some edgy thoughts like "When Jesus says to sell everything, does he mean have a garage sale in the front lawn or to have a garage sale of the junk that stands in place of God?" How about a passage from Isaiah 58.6-12:

"This is the kind of fast day I'm after:
to break the chains of injustice,
get rid of exploitation in the workplace,
free the oppressed,
cancel debts.
What I'm interested in seeing you do is:
sharing your food with the hungry,
inviting the homeless poor into your homes,
putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad,
being available to your own families.
Do this and the lights will turn on,
and your lives will turn around at once.
Your righteousness will pave your way.
The God of glory will secure your passage.
Then when you pray, God will answer.
You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.'

"If you get rid of unfair practices,
quit blaming victims,
quit gossiping about other people's sins,
If you are generous with the hungry
and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,
Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.
I will always show you where to go.
I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—
firm muscles, strong bones.
You'll be like a well-watered garden,
a gurgling spring that never runs dry.
You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,
rebuild the foundations from out of your past.
You'll be known as those who can fix anything,
restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,
make the community livable again.

The morning session I sat in on was with Mike and titled Friar with a Mission. Friars are portable monks. They establish community in the geographical area where they are sent, but live as ones without a permanent home. Traditionally friars could be moved at any time to a new location as the larger church deemed necessary. As one who has shifted communities of people and often locations 5 times in the last 3 years, it was affirming to hear someone healthfully living out a similar style. Mike spoke of the contemplative life as a disciplined way of tending to a relationship with God by solemnly promising to show up and be present for that relationship. I learned this back in college, but have lost it over time as I've found myself fearful of hearing, seeing, experiencing, etc. what God wants to say to me or how God wants to spend time with me. In Mike's words I found a taste of God's freeing ways for which I have been thirsting.

The afternoon session was with Dwight from Mars Hill Graduate School who addressed the topic The Dance of the Established and Emerging Churches. This session challenged me to be more open and gracious to those around me; to let go of bitterness, anger and pride in order to receive an outpouring of grace with open hands. It's easy to tear apart what has injured you or not been sufficient for you. I was raised in an established, traditional church. While they severely neglected me and did not really nurture my faith, this is where my faith life began and part of what has shaped me to be the person I am today. No human is an island unto themselves and to sever my deepest roots would deprive me of some of the richest nutrients from God. Somewhere in the dialogue I found an invitation to open and engaging conversation with people who are "other" to me.

Today was inspiring and energizing. I conversed with people taking risks in ministry and pushing the edges with groups of people who could just as easily turn inward and celebrate their small club until it dies off. Today I was reminded that life is richer when we share and make space for each other. Today I was reminded that there is room at the table for me, but I need to share and make space too.

How are you conspiring to make tangibly present the kingdom of God in this world?

The Story of Generosity

Remember when you were 10 years old? When the question was first asked, nothing came to mind. After a few minutes I remembered that one of my cousins came home from the NICU on my 10th birthday. That was a really cool birthday present to hold him in my arms without any cords or tubes attached to him.

Tonight I tagged along with Mark on one of his stewardship visits. This was one of the starter questions that came up because one of the daughters of the couple we visited, Alyssa, is 10. It was truly amazing to sit with this family who I barely know and to hear them speak so openly, honestly and boldly about their faith and life together. They teach their kids about giving generously of their time and lives. They model and work with their kids to give anonymously and love those around them; even the neighbors nearby who have written angry letters to them about their dogs barking excessively. This family teaches their kids about giving, saving and spending money. Each one of them lives their faith in their own unique way. Alyssa went to Mark one Sunday at church and told him she wanted to start a project at her school to raise money to build a well for a village in Bangladesh. She had hoped that Mark would ask the Living Water group to help fund her idea. Tonight while Mark and I were talking with her parents she was working on a powerpoint presentation for the well project. Alyssa's 10 years old and she has an inspiring vision of what the kingdom of God looks like here on Earth.

Their stories stirred me deep inside. I wish I had such life and faith nurturing when I was growing up. I wish someone had taught me what it means to live out your faith when I was Alyssa's age. While I am in awe at how faithful this family is, I feel as if I'm light years behind them. How can I lead a people when I seem too inexperienced and stupidly inept? How can I be authentic with where I'm at in life (and how little I understand) and yet speak to where other people are at in life?

Edge of Grace

The last few days have been spent reading through the posts on my blog. It's amazing how much I've changed since I've arrived here and yet, surprisingly, how much I've remained the same. When I was in MN I wrote so much more eloquently and deeply. I miss that. That being said, tonight at the mission council meeting as Mark was discussing stewardship approaches I realized something rather profound.

Lately I've been complaining that I never get what I want and when I do, it tends to blow up in my face. Amidst this I realize that I'm always given what I need. I reflect on these things in the light that I have been the recipient of some phenomenally amazing experiences in life and wonder when that is going to end (since nothing lasts forever here on Earth). Tonight I discovered that in many of these big events I could name times when I've been given what I need and simultaneously extravagantly graced with things that I want. All of this became clear as Mark spoke about not turning inward and holding things tightly, but living generously and openly asking for daily bread. Reminds me of the Music Box movie: "You're not supposed to horde it!" Lately holding on has been my motto. It's difficult not to grasp life tightly when change keeps coming at you. Reminds me of Henri Nouwen's book With Open Hands.

My latest commission at church is to bring opening devotions to the life group huddle retreat meeting. The focus for the day is something to the effect of "Living On the Edge without Falling Off." This afternoon's pastor's conversation allowed me to remind my co-workers that the gospel still sounds scandalous and illogical (i.e. foolishness) to those who haven't heard it deep into their souls like we have. I was freshly reminded that I am ever living at/on the edge of grace, in the tensions of old/new and now/not yet.

In Healing...I Am Undone

I feel like adding something to the blog, but am not sure what to write about. I've been doing some writing lately and this one part of a poem I wrote seemed to really catch my attention (see below).

I sigh...
again to release the pressure.
In the instant I let go
You catch my breath
and I sigh for a merciful love that is not my own--
a grace which ends all that once was and used to be
a grace which rends wide the heavens and the very fabric of reality.
And it is enough.
In healing...
I am undone.

I find myself wanting to comment on these words, but they reach to such a deep level that it's hard to know what more to say than what I've already written. I suppose what I find most intriguing is the idea that healing is what makes me come undone. Usually we think of healing as the magic salve or pill that will cure all ills or will somehow right a portion of the pain/uneasiness we suffer. Though healing may not stop the suffering or pain, at the very least it will make a way for the pain to be bearable. Instead I find the truth to be that God's healing looks more like ending, dying, breaking and rending from my point of view. God's ways are not my ways and therefore I am prone to misconstrue and misunderstand the abundant and excessive grace God continually pours out on me. Imagine God just dumping grace on you like water without stopping. At some point all you have left to breathe is water. When the water finally gets too high and you find yourself choking on water instead of breathing air, suddenly you realize God has provided you gills to live and "breathe" in a new way. What looks to us to be death putting out our light and drowning us is in fact, from God's point of view, new life breaking in on us. This is the mystery of our faith. This is what my spirit longs to believe, but my flesh is too weak to trust.