In Healing...I Am Undone

I feel like adding something to the blog, but am not sure what to write about. I've been doing some writing lately and this one part of a poem I wrote seemed to really catch my attention (see below).

I sigh...
again to release the pressure.
In the instant I let go
You catch my breath
and I sigh for a merciful love that is not my own--
a grace which ends all that once was and used to be
a grace which rends wide the heavens and the very fabric of reality.
And it is enough.
In healing...
I am undone.

I find myself wanting to comment on these words, but they reach to such a deep level that it's hard to know what more to say than what I've already written. I suppose what I find most intriguing is the idea that healing is what makes me come undone. Usually we think of healing as the magic salve or pill that will cure all ills or will somehow right a portion of the pain/uneasiness we suffer. Though healing may not stop the suffering or pain, at the very least it will make a way for the pain to be bearable. Instead I find the truth to be that God's healing looks more like ending, dying, breaking and rending from my point of view. God's ways are not my ways and therefore I am prone to misconstrue and misunderstand the abundant and excessive grace God continually pours out on me. Imagine God just dumping grace on you like water without stopping. At some point all you have left to breathe is water. When the water finally gets too high and you find yourself choking on water instead of breathing air, suddenly you realize God has provided you gills to live and "breathe" in a new way. What looks to us to be death putting out our light and drowning us is in fact, from God's point of view, new life breaking in on us. This is the mystery of our faith. This is what my spirit longs to believe, but my flesh is too weak to trust.