Here I Am Stuck in the Middle With...

First let me just add the observation that there is this bizarre smell in the house like rotting garbage. The only things in my garbage can are some plastic wrap and a piece of gum. Since I took a shower today I'm thinking maybe my downstairs neighbors need to take out the garbage??

This afternoon I find the chorus from the song Stuck In the Middle With You running through my head. Earlier today I was scheduled to lead worship which included doing communion at each of the three services. While I was putting on my robe Paul dropped by my office/cube in full pastor regalia. He was supposed to be floating so I asked what was going on. Apparently Mark had asked him to take care of communion instead of me. I tried to go with the flow as part of the team, but something about it bugged me. Was I not capable or good enough to do it? If Paul was going to be there, was my presence necessary then? [Like the eunuch and Philip--here is bread and wine: What is to prevent me from leading communion?] Later on during a couple of the services Mark and Paul jumped in and did some of the pieces I was going to do. Were we in some kind of hurry? Did you really think I wasn't going to do it? (Apparently, since they did it for me.)

Lately I seem to keep banging my head into the intern wall. It's invisible, but you know it when you hit it. There is a great tension that is unspoken. On one hand I am expected to take initiative and be bold--to go for it. On the other hand I am expected to watch and learn whilst doing the tasks prepared/handed to me. Those two expectations are in opposition to each other. How can I be expected to lead effectively with little or no space to do so? I can't decide if I'm just being a snot about things or if this is a real issue worth haggling over. Guess I'll find out this week when I bring it up.

"Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you."