Memoirs of Discernment

One is not enough and two is too many.
Hot dogs come in 10 and buns come in 8.
There's always a winner and a loser.

Isn't that the story of life? Inevitably, something doesn't fit/match up or there are left overs.
Why? Is it a conspiracy? A tactful marketing technique? Or perhaps, it is one of the defining characteristics of humanity to never be able to make two ends meet.

I'm having a hard time dividing myself and the only other option is to divide Christ. Which I cannot and do not want to do. So I can only hope that when I am finally worn out on holding off the sword of the Spirit that's coming at me, I will be ready to be divided. See, I can't make the ends meet. Life is lived on a line, not in a circle. Experience tells us this. You never happen upon the exact same place, situation, person (?) in life. Something, even very tiny, is always different and has changed.

There are no "two for one" deals in life. To have to choose is to lose. And to, therefore, become a loser. Either it's one thing or nothing. Something must always be left behind when a choice is made. For example, choosing one job path over another. Or what to take with you on a trip. I know, I'm speaking in absolutes. Perhaps they are a bit extreme for you. But, are you the kind of person who would rather settle for something that seems perfect or for something that is perfect? Maybe perfect is still too strong for you. How about right? (darn, there's the law again!) Or fits best? (a little idealistic and theoretical.) Or uses the most talents you have? (now we're being consequential.) Or you could say there is no one right answer or all answers are right. (pluralistic and relativistic are we?)

Are you beginning to see what I mean? If choosing is losing, even if it is a small something we lose, will we ever end up with anything? Or is life just a process of slowly dropping bits of yourself and your possessions as bread crumbs along the trail--a testament to where and who you have been, yet never describing who you are now? If choosing is losing, can we ever win? Not by the world's standards. In this world, something must always be cut off and divided away. To choose then means to lose everything. What kind of winner is the person who has nothing (in this world)? [is it the world's standards or God's??? feels like i'm mixing thoughts.] By the world's standards, they would be no winner at all. He who dies with the MOST toys wins, not with the FEWEST or NO toys.

And so we are caught between the grip of sin and the grip of grace. Both hold us as our mingled saint and sinner selves. The only option is for us to be divided. For one to lose and one to win. For one to die and one to rise. (There is still no other way.) As these words are being spoken, it is already happening. You are being divided. You are being chosen and part of you is being lost.