What's right and what's wrong?

I have a job offer. I've begged for this kind of opportunity because I thought it's what I wanted. I want to be able to have a real job and to make money so I can support myself. I have this vision of wanting to be able to take care of myself. Not that it's a bad thing. I just wonder if maybe I'm going after it for the wrong reasons. To hide there behind my science mask instead of suffering publicly for the cross.

Will I be happy if I take this job? Probably not. Afterall, I will be leaving all my friends (not that I can't make new ones...), the cities that I've become accustomed to, and a 24-7 focus toward theology.
Does any job allow space for this? I don't know. Maybe they're not supposed to create space for happiness. Maybe that's why vocation is bearing the cross.
How does the fact that each day I sit here at the seminary in my Holy Spirit class I feel increasingly more pressed by the Gospel figure into my decision? Perhaps it should be tipping the scale.

I didn't ask for the Gospel to find me. Well maybe I did at some point. But I also didn't. Being located under the cross is painful and it's crushing me. Well the sinner in me anyway. Which is very adamant about trying to slip out from under the cross and sneaking away victoriously. I wish for this to happen, but it is not that for which I pray. No, I pray--rather beg--for my old ways to die and the new way to rise. Yet in such a foggy sky I am left in a quandary of questioning--WHAT?

You promised to save me, love me and lead me. So where the heck are we going?

Is there a right and a wrong in this choice? Will I choose SD and then find out in a year that I made the wrong choice? What then? Wouldn't that be committing scientifically professional suicide? What if there is no right and wrong? What if there are just directions (career speaking) and God gets glorified through them one way or another? Why then the impending sense of doom if I choose wrongly? Is there "more than one answer to these questions pointing me in a crooked line?" (from some song)

What if my greatest fear is still just failing and looking like an idiot--not measuring up to the law of perfection which I hold over myself? That still doesn't justify taking a great job just because it's on a silver platter in front of me does it? What if the problem is that I just don't trust God to make me into the preacher he promises to?

I know. I'll never be good enough as I measure myself with the law. But I can't help but measure myself. It's all I know how to do. I'm bound to it. Lord Jesus, set me free!!!!!!