We Are Pilgrims On A Journey...

The song that line comes from is kinda cheesy (Let Me Be Your Servant by Richard Gillard). It's a ho-hum tune and gets annoying after a while; but so does constantly moving around and being part of a nomadic people. Maybe that's the depth of what the composer and lyricist wanted to convey. The last few years have found me caught in-between a love/hate relationship with being nomadic. There is adventure, excitement, challenge, variety and change with each new setting. There is also leaving, goodbyes, packing/unpacking, losing things/people and the general dis-ease/malaise of feeling lost. One of my great lessons from internship is that life truly is constantly in the midst of positive/negative. It's one huge dialectic. With joy comes sorrow. With life comes death. With pain comes healing. With faith comes doubt. With fear comes security. Just to name a few.

When I stepped away from getting an MDiv degree and heading toward being a pastor I ended up taking about 9 months to a year off and just feeling like I was wandering aimlessly as I muddled around in the dark with more questions than answers or directions. I lost the class of people I started with who were my closest friends. We'd been together since day one of seminary, but I couldn't just go on internship like they were all doing. I wasn't there in my faith walk and didn't have all that much trust that it was the best decision. So I said "no" and stayed behind at the seminary looking for jobs in chemistry (my undergrad degree) and working to finish an MA focused in the New Testament. Somehow in the midst of all this changing and running around that I was doing God was still at work creating good things for me on my behalf.

I still kinda miss the people I started with, but the group I'm with now is different in a good way that I can't quite put my finger on yet. All I know is that despite my fear and insecurity and distrust in God, God has worked (and still is!) all things out for good because God loves me. So not much more than praise from this corner! It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me in my head--that God loves me so much, that God picked me to belong in God's family--but I'm ever so grateful that God is who God is (I AM who I AM--Exodus 3.1-14).

I have to say though that it's not being on internship that I miss. It's being with a people and belonging to a people that I miss. So I've determined to go belong to some other people in this area instead. Maybe I'm just taking JC seriously, but when I walk into church, that's the oasis and "home" for me no matter how many times I've moved around in the last year. It's taken some adjusting to get used to, but it's okay...I guess.

So I'm a nomad. God still loves me, provides for me and travels with me. Really...what more can you ask for?