What Does It Mean to Belong?

Two Sundays back I went to Redeemer for the first time since I left for internship. Somewhere in the middle of singing some praise songs I found myself in tears. I missed Trinity and Redeemer is very similar to Trinity in many ways. Later that night before I went to bed I sat and thought about what had happened that day. I'd been crying over leaving Trinity for at least a month and I began to wonder if I was missing some part of the healing process that should have been more obvious to me. It seemed so close and yet I couldn't quite name it. As I sat there thinking, it occurred to me what the issue might be.

My last sermon at Trinity was on the Canaanite woman who asks Jesus to heal her daughter but JC says "No, I came for the lost sheep of Israel." So the woman pleads, "Even the dogs eat the crumbs from the master's table." JC then responds that the woman's faith is so great and her daughter is healed. I saw so many similarities in her story and mine that I shared how lost I have been for most of my Christian travelings and how I have been searching for something missing which I knew had to do with God and me, but that was about it.

Afterwards, Paul came up to me and asked me "So how's the story end?" I never did get to answer him. Eventually I wrote back that "It ends with me finding what I was looking for--love, grace, acceptance, belonging." My story is the Canaanite woman's story. Most of my life in the church I've felt like an outsider. I grew up in the Lutheran church, but they never seemed to speak my language. There was no youth group and so I had to find my own connections through my friends' youth groups (which entailed a smattering of theologies and beliefs). When I had the most questions and confusion (basically 6th grade-college) it seemed that the church had abandoned me to my own devices.

What I realized from my Sunday episode after I'd written out some of what I was feeling was that I missed belonging like I did at Trinity--not just the people in particular, but the ways in which I was connected to them and how that made me feel. It occurred to me that all I had to do was start belonging somewhere else. It would be a waste in a sense and not using all that I've learned in this last year about how and what it means to belong to a people to just hole up in my apt. and feel sorry for myself, or to keep mourning and miss the morning (Psalm 30.4-5). Not that grief isn't real or will instantly disappear. I guess this is the piece I thought I was missing. My plan is to get more involved at Redeemer and start building some connections there. A year is loads of time to make a difference in peoples' lives even if you're leaving at the end of it. Such have I learned on internship.

So I carry with me this larger question: What does it mean to belong? The kind of belonging that cares for your social, emotional, physical, mental and spiritual well being. It doesn't just happen, but takes time and cultivation. It's something you grow into like a garden producing its fruits and yield.