2nd Place, 2nd Best

In confessions class this last week we learned about segundophobia--the fear of being second. This of course is in relation to us and God. God and God's Word is first, we're second. How am I supposed to be 2nd to God when I live in a world where I must put myself first because if I don't take care of myself, no one else will? Where's the practical side of this? How do you actually survive in the world when this is the case? When the prof. brought this up in class, I was reminded of a comment he made in a previous class. It made me think: How do I live with myself when I am schizophrenically crying for salvation, but am working towards my own demise? How do you live with yourself when Christ is pushing you out of the way and taking over?