Jen's Blog

Branching Out

2009-08-25T15:31:00.002-05:00

Two new adventures today.

1.) The house was visited by a city inspector to make sure the manager made required changes to get the house up to code. This was actually quite a pleasant experience--apart from the nasty stench in the basement coming from who knows what.

2.) My alb is being dry cleaned today. While I have been with other people to have clothes dry cleaned, I have never gone on my own. I found out there is a 15% off coupon for incoming orders on Tuesdays which motivated me enough to get it done today. This should have been done when I got back from internship. A year later...

Motion to Reframe

2009-08-21T13:10:00.003-05:00

While watching the CWA (ChurchWide Assembly) for the ELCA today I read the captions (sound off while at work) a man who was attempting to compare the homosexuality debate with the inclusion of gentiles into Jewish Christianity in the early church. This is one comparison I have not thought about before. Is it similar enough to make a legitimate comparison? Are the two examples on level playing ground?

Perhaps the issues are too different. One involves the inclusion of a different culture and ethnicity of people while the other involves the inclusion of a different lifestyle of people from varied cultures and ethnicities. Each situation offers groups playing by their own sets of rules devised from separate standards.

Should Christians, specifically Lutherans, be more exclusive? Perhaps the issue is more properly stated: Should we be more restrictive of the benefits of being part of the church?

Regardless of whether you believe homosexuality to be morally right/wrong or a sign of the variety/degradation of society, we all have to live together. Would that we focused more on those issues (community) than black/white, rationalized proofs of who is correctly holding the absolute truth.

Here's To Missed And Mixed Up Syllables

2009-03-20T15:41:00.000-05:00

Weds. Chapel
Shahat = (plug your ears, avert your eyes!)
Resurrection mistakenly called (e)rection.

Take A Bow To Temptation

2009-03-01T22:27:00.005-06:00

Yesterday I went to the Minneapolis Institute of Art to satisfy my art craving and support a friend. When I arrived, I met up with part of the group on the 3rd floor where most of the modern, impressionist and early American history is housed. It was stunning to see a room full of tables and chairs throughout history. Standing in the room with well known pieces from ~5-6 major painters in history (Renoir, Van Gogh, etc.) was inspiring and breath taking to think about what remains over time and how people can communicate across time and space centuries apart.

Eventually I wandered off to the 2nd floor where more of the cultural art is housed. I started in a corner with Islamic pieces and wound my way through Greek, Roman and Southeast Asia collections. Eventually I made it to the Asian section and roamed the beautiful artifacts.

What caught my attention was the Buddhas and sculptures of various Hindu gods/goddesses spread throughout the different rooms. There I stood before Buddhas roughly twice my size made from wood or stone and decorated in gold, brilliant colors and surrounded by tiled/jeweled walls or other finery. As I stood there staring at the beauty before me of what had been created, I felt this compulsion to bow down.

I'm sorry, did you just imply that you felt compelled to idol worship. Yup. I did.

Thoughts flowed into my head from Daniel of the 3 young men who would not worship the local idol as the king decreed (Daniel 3). I thought of the first commandment. I thought of Isaiah and his sarcastic commentary on idols (Isaiah 44.8-23).

Then came the questions. What makes something sacred and holy? What does it mean to worship and bow before an image or statue? Why do I feel this compulsion to somehow honor or reverence this sense of holiness before me? What in the world is going on? Is this God speaking to me, another deity or some form of evil? Why am I so mesmerized by these artifacts? What is so fascinating about these other cultures and religions?

This posting is the first chance I've had to reflect on my adventures. I honestly don't know what to make of all this. When more develops, I'll update you.

One Sunday Afternoon In A Cafe...

2009-01-11T22:17:00.002-06:00

Overhearing a conversation from a nearby table of 2 young men roughly in their mid-20s and 1 guy about 65-70 in the café I learned today that the myelin sheath, which surrounds and protects the nerves in a human body, are not formed for the first 10 months of life thereby allowing the soul of the person and the Holy Spirit to be completely unified. The Spirit has full reign—no distractions or competition. So what a person internalizes in those first 10 months is incredibly impressionable. Apparently their conversation had something to do with “ministering in the Spirit.”

Having checked in a few minutes later they are now praying for the one young man and asking God to speak to his spirit; whatever might come out. Even if it’s in tongues and it might sound like gibberish to us, it’s what you want to say Lord. I heard him speaking quietly, but his voice was so low and quiet I couldn’t make out anything. Now they seem to be on to the topic of prayer and being open to God’s voice. It might not come in the moment, but perhaps later on at a time when you could write it down or talk to someone about it.

Behind me a dad and his daughter talk about dividing up household chores. The dad offers to vacuum the stairs and the girl decides to mop the floors. She asks if they can rearrange something on the schedule and it is moved. Meanwhile the young man who was being prayed for sits in his Jeep talking on the phone. Ten minutes later he rubs his face and fidgets while looking in his rearview mirror. I wonder if I should walk out to the car and ask if he’s okay commenting that I overheard the conversation about prayer. Now it looks like he’s talking on the phone again.

By the time I can pull my things together and pack up to head towards the parking lot, the Jeep is gone.

If God...Then Why?

2009-01-04T11:17:00.003-06:00

If God promises to be all that we need and to fill us up completely, then why am I still hungry and thirsty?
If God promises rest to the weary, then why am I still tired?
If God promises shalom (wholeness, healing, peace), then why am I still restless and broken?
If God promises the fullness of God's presence in the Spirit, then why do I still feel so lonely?
If God promises to give new life in abundance, then why do I still feel like I'm waiting for my life to start?

If You promise to be my everything, then why isn't that enough?

Rock It Bye

2008-12-22T15:40:00.000-06:00

Recently I discovered a whole new world of self care--rocking chairs.
Soothing.
Relaxing.
Tension melting.
Thought focusing.
Everything seems to fade away when you rock back and forth. Life gets simpler. Important things come into focus and the fluff blows away.

I had such a pleasure this morning at my brother's apartment in VA. Looking out the window to the wooded view from the rocking chair was wonderful. My new plan is to save up and buy a rocking chair. In the mean time I'll borrow someone's.

Seriously. Give it a try.

Taboo Touch

2008-12-10T13:42:00.000-06:00

Human beings have 5 senses: taste, smell, sound, sight and touch. We've got the other 4 down to a science (and I mean that literally) where food is engineered to smell and taste "just right." Music and movies can be digitally enhanced for the perfect sound and images. Those are just a couple examples. Consider video games, magazines, digital photos, the internet, etc. It's possible to connect with people through all kinds of technology such that we don't even have to be in the same room, city, state, or country.

Certainly there are benefits gained from this. We can meet new people and connect in ways previously imagined humanly possible. Those suffering in a distant land are no longer quite so distant. Family separated across a country can be easily reunited by web cams and instant messaging.

What of the 5th sense? What about touch? What happens to community when you artificially or virtually create it and touch is left out of the equation? Scientific studies have shown that babies who are not held or touched do not develop at a normal rate and continue to have developmental problems later on compared to those who are held and touched. Sure, there are loads of issues around touch. If done inappropriately, law suits ensue. I understand the caution. But whatever happened to some positive human contact? As the Blackeyed Peas put it, "where is the love?" Our world, our communities, our families are aching--emotionally and physically--to be loved and seen as real beings who need other people to survive. Individualism as isolationism is no way to live. It's a way to die.

Can we learn to hug without fear? Can we learn to pat each other on the back or shoulder when we hurt without expectations of recrimination? Can we occupy the same space and together thrive or will we divide out of fear and slowly die from the inside out?

Is Blood Thicker Than Water?

2008-12-01T16:15:00.005-06:00

My latest venture has been to fill out mobility papers for preparing to take a first call as a pastor this next fall at the earliest. Basically it's like filling out a profile and resume all in one. Make yourself look attractive to church hierarchy and congregations while stating the truth about where you sense God's call to ministry. I had planned to spend the last 2 weeks working on it (I've been thinking about it long before that), but Thanksgiving Break intruded and like most of you know, when you go home the parental units wrap their tendrils around your time, energy and daily activities. At least mine do. So when did the paperwork get done? 4am today/last night. Needless to say, it probably wasn't my best picture of myself and I'm very tired with only 5 hours of sleep. Thank God for slow Mondays at work.

All these reflective questions on the profiles, missing the northwest lately and reflecting on the diversity inventory (which btw, culture doesn't exclusively = ethnicity!) has gotten me to thinking: Who are my people? Do I have a people? Where are they--especially when I need them to support me? Who is my family? In short, is blood thicker than water? It's the typical comment people will make to justify sticking closer to your family (bloodline) than friends/coworkers/non-blood related people.

That's when it occurred to me that as a child of God I am in a new family by the blood of Christ. So who's family? What does family really mean??? Is blood really thicker than water? Does the blood of Christ really matter to Christians? Are we really family or do we insist on coveting our nuclear family and biologically related relationships? Who are the ones who support us when we fail and fall? Perhaps that is a better definition of family.

And better yet, we begin our life in God's family through baptism--water. So how does that affect our aphorism that blood is thicker than water? Is it still true? Does the blood of Christ trump the water of baptism? What say you theologians out there?

The Color of My World

2008-11-28T13:55:00.007-06:00

Lately I've been captivated by a Hillsong United song Hosanna. By lately I mean since mid October. Here's the lyrics in which I've been caught up:

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I have for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

These words have been a constant prayer for me over the last ~1.5 months. I listen to the song almost everyday (yes, I'm an addict) but I often find myself singing it in my head or the words traveling through my mind as I wander about day to day life. The line that's got the greatest grasp on me right now is "Break my heart for what breaks yours."
What breaks God's heart?
How does/do I let it affect me?
Am I thinking about things that concern God?
As this line tumbles around in my soul, I think about people who are suffering (basic needs, violence, abuse, oppression, disease, etc.), who feel out of place or misplaced, who have questions and no one to talk to about them and on and on and on...This is one thing that has been coloring my world lately.

The other thing that has been coloring my world is a book by one of my favorite authors Jim Palmer. I'll let his bio speak for itself, suffice to say he's learning about God's grace just by being Jim in this world called Earth. I'm reading his 2nd book Wide Open Spaces: Beyond Paint-By-Number Christianity and LOVING it!! I only got to checking out his blog today, but I commend it to you to enjoy and give you a different perspective on things.

http://www.divinenobodies.com/blog/

Taking Advantage

2008-11-21T16:38:00.003-06:00

Here's a shout out to all the stores and consumer organizations that are marketing sales and great savings to everyone in a slow economy. As if materialism wasn't enticing enough, now we have found ever new ways to make buying sexy. For those with money to burn, enjoy the cheap prices. For those scraping to get by, don't count on your neighbor to help protect you from the seduction of the American Dream to have more, supersize it and then manage it at a local storage facility.

I fight the concept that Christmas music should be played before Thanksgiving Day. And now Thanksgiving Day sales are taking place 1-2 weeks before Black Friday. Is there anything else we need to rush through to try and get ahead? Illusion I say. What are we really earning and gaining by doing things before it's time to do them? Pretty soon we'll just have one massive holiday season. There will never be an end to the festivities because we will constantly need to satisfy the desire for more.

I even witnessed this enticement to get people to recycle in a Northeastern state. They earn reward points by the weight of their recycle bins. I guess everyone has a price. The question is, will anyone be able to afford the costs to get anything good and worthwhile accomplished in this world? Or will we continue to sell out for our seductive, self-gratifying craving to be filled???

Why Does Everything Seem To Be In Fast Forward?

2008-11-10T09:15:00.005-06:00

Once again it's not even Thanksgiving and the economy and consumerism is pushing holiday shopping; more explicitly, Christmas. We haven't even given thanks for all the crap we've already accrued or even the blessings we've received and we're dead set on getting more--material goods, money, time, etc. I still have Halloween candy lying around!

Seriously. What's wrong with this picture? Isn't life changing fast enough for people? Or maybe we like the rush. We like not bothering to take time to reflect because then we might find out that we don't like how fast life is going and then we'll be responsible for doing something about it. We wouldn't want to dig up something from the past either because that would make us feel unsettled, uncomfortable and perhaps shamed/exposed. Remember when Christmas didn't start until after the Thanksgiving Day Parade? Yesterday I was in a cafe and heard at least 5 Christmas songs in the 5 hours I was there. Don't get me wrong. They were lovely songs and I'm excited to move into the season that celebrates life amidst death and light shining through darkness; just not at the expense of the present moment.

What ever happened to saying "thank you?" Isn't there a season for that anymore? What does that say about our lives and priorities?

Invitation To Rest

2008-11-02T20:03:00.002-06:00

Whilst sitting in a Caribou café on a Sunday evening doing homework, I overheard two college aged women talking about their faith. One said to the other “I have been so amazed at the number of people God has been laying on my heart to pray for. Let me share them with you.” “Did you write all of them down?” “Of course! And where else but in the [inaudible] journal?”

The girl went on to talk about how God was calling her to pray for strength for some and spiritual awakening for others. There I sat in awe of what I was witnessing with my ears. Here were two people sharing prayer requests that had been derived from spending time in God’s presence listening. I began to long for the days when I used to do that; to sit and rest in God’s presence just to be with God and to hear what God had to say. That’s what you do in relationships that matter. You listen to each other. I’ve known that this has been lacking from my life for a while now. It’s all too easy to sellout and reprioritize other peoples’ priorities over time spent with God. There is work to be done: papers to be written, books to read and analyze, spreadsheets to be organized, mailings to be prepared, bills to pay, sermons to create, projects to be tended to and a long list of other things that are “important.” I’m reminded of the saying that one who is too busy to pray is too busy. Or the saying that “I have so much to do today I’ll have to pray twice as long!”

Perhaps that’s why I chose to spend time talking with a couple of people after church today and going to lunch with them instead of going straight to errands and doing homework. What’s more important—relationships with people or projects?; time listening to God or fretting over the long laundry list of things to be done?

Which reminds me: I need to do laundry tonight.

Who, What, Where?

2008-10-30T22:26:00.000-05:00

There are Christmas lights on the evergreen trees at the corner of the block.
Apparently tomorrow is Halloween.
Gas is averaging $2.15.
My friend Kile from WA called tonight and we had a really good conversation.
I have a really great book to read before bed (Wide Open Spaces: Beyond Paint-By-Number Christianity by Jim Palmer--one of my favorite authors).
I have a Netflix DVD to watch.
Tomorrow should be a good day.
One of my new classes tonight was excellent (Buddhism and the Christian).
I did pretty well in discussion during history today. Had some good points to make.
There wasn't anymore good deals on candy to replace my mixed bag of 50 Reese's products.
Still need to buy a ticket home for Christmas.
Need to fix plans for January.
I got to feel a real seal skin pelt on Wednesday.
It's 12:30am and I'm still wound up.

The Grey of Black and White

2008-10-26T22:41:00.003-05:00

Through a work of the Spirit I have survived this week and an intensive class on dismantling racism this weekend (Fri.-Sun.). Still breathing and amazingly cognitively functioning fairly well, but very wiped out. So excited to go to bed!!

One of the most powerful parts of the class this weekend was watching the documentary The Color of Fear (1994)by Lee Mun Wah. Highly recommend you see it and then process it with people you know well and trust. It's intense, vulgar, brutally honest and touches the depth of humanity and racism. Really helped me understand what white privilege is and how it impacts people of other colors, races and ethnicities.

Chaos, Light and Dark

2008-10-23T21:28:00.004-05:00

It's amazing to me how chaotic life can get. There's always good mixed with bad. On Tuesday Oct. 21, Ben Liesch died from a brain tumor. I found out today in the prayers during chapel because I haven't had the energy to keep up with Kirstin's blog about their journey with illness. Yesterday I found out I was approved by the faculty for ordination. Today one of my professors said he wants to use a PowerPoint I made for the Easter Vigil on internship during class tomorrow. I'm pretty sure I failed my history test on Wednesday. I know I totally botched the one major essay and it was worth 30 points. Today at lunch I saw a hilarious video on You Tube. I'll put the link at the end. It built my abs and it made my day a lot brighter despite the bad news. There's always Netflix too and that helps.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTYr3JuueF4

Spiritual Transformations: Living Now In Eternity

2008-10-22T16:08:00.005-05:00

I have been reading the book Spiritual Transformations: Science, Religion and Human Becoming by Karl E. Peters. I picked it up on the new books shelf at the library for three reasons:
1) The title sounded interesting.
2) It was thin enough to get through by reading a bit each night before bed.
3) There was a beautiful picture of light shining through green trees on the cover.

I know--don't judge a book by it's cover.

I finally reached the last chapter today and wanted to comment on a couple things I read.
"Like the Taoist story of the climbing of Mt. Everest--a story of conquest or of befriending--the Christmas story that I heard and saw portrayed, presented to me two ways of living on the edge of time--living by the power that destroys in order to preserve itself, or by the love that enables all people to flourish and fulfill their potential."

I read this and had one of those moments where your brain is trying to take in the fullness of what you just read and still can't quite comprehend it, yet you love what it said. Isn't this the whole point--to lose ourselves in Christ and be so fully consumed by the Triune God that we let go of trying to secure our own lives and desires and live to love so that all around us might thrive?

"...being mindful of their needs and mindful of our limitations....Assuming whatever shape according to the conditions? That's playing when you think about it--the playing of young children. Becoming as a little child, Jesus says, one can enter the kingdom of heaven. When one becomes like this, one is living now in eternity."

Reminds me of Paul when he writes "For though I am free with respect to all, I have made myself a slave to all, so that I might win more of them. To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though I myself am not under the law) so that I might win those under the law. To those outside the law I became as one outside the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law) so that I might win those outside the law. To the weak I became weak, so that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that I might by all means save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, so that I may share in its blessings. (I Cor. 9.19-23)
Then there's this whole eternity piece; the idea that everything we do, no matter how insignificant we see it, is part of the cosmic work of God. We take part in this every day and moment, but we don't often realize it. That's what the mindfulness piece was about--being aware that we are here to serve others and in that we find our true selves and purpose is part of eternity...lived NOW.

Hurricane October

2008-10-16T21:47:00.004-05:00

I'm exhausted. I think it all started a week and a half ago when my history paper was due. I've never had such a hard time writing a paper. I think it injured my brain--permanently. Then in an attempt to recover from burning up my brain, I got behind in reading and suddenly realized the 4 books I need to read for the dismantling racism intensive class is due next weekend. I've only finished one of them. Not to mention how far behind I am in history now.

I have a history test next Wednesday that I haven't even started studying for. I started dog/cat sitting yesterday. Honestly though, the animals give me a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Last night I wrote a sermon that apparently turned out okay, but certainly wasn't my best work (plus it kept me up late). I'll be gone this weekend for a friend's wedding. One of my profs suggested I sleep in the car on the ride down. Probably not a bad idea. I'm also thinking that when I take my history test I'll bring my ice pack along and strap it to my forehead to keep my brain cool and not overheating.

Cloak of Invisibility

2008-10-14T22:58:00.004-05:00

I'm short--5'1" on a good day. Often conversations will literally go on over my head because people are generally quite a bit taller than I am (at least by 5-10" on average). I get that I'm not easily seen. Up until recently (within the last year), I haven't spoken much or voiced my thoughts/opinions out loud which has added a layer to my invisibility.

I'm reading a book called Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen from the Harvard Negotiation Project. It's an easy read and quite insightful about what makes conversation and communication so difficult for people. They break it down into three basic parts that most conversations have:
1) "What Happened" Conversation
2) Feelings Conversation
3) Identity Conversation
The chapter I happened to read today was on listening. In a difficult conversation, focus on listening to learn about the other person because you genuinely want to learn and understand. If you can operate on that plane, people will feel heard, accepted and will be more likely to listen to what you are saying. That's great, makes sense and is extremely useful.

What bugs me is the idea that to be heard you must first surrender and listen to the other person. If I'm always the one listening, who will listen to me? When will I not be under the radar and be acknowledged as having a valid point and commentary--even if people don't agree with it??? When do I get to be cared for and appreciated?

Harry Potter uses his cloak when he wants to disappear. What about when you want to be seen?

Faculty Approved

2008-10-13T23:50:00.000-05:00

This morning was my faculty approval interview. I arrived early before either Patricia or Rolf got there. Rolf came in twice wondering where Patricia was. We maybe got started around 9:10am. Rolf had to leave early because he was playing music in chapel. Nothing like a fun quick run through my preparation as a pastor.

Highlights:
Patricia: "Pretend you're sitting with a call committee and they ask you 'What's your theology?' What would you say?"
[Cause that's not a broad topic! Theology of what? When told it was just in general I decided the best commentary I could give was that it all boils down to the incarnation for me. God coming to me and for me. Even in a childlike fashion I am mind boggled that "You picked me! You love me! You want me!" Without God coming to us, there's no other source of hope for living in this world and finding meaning and purpose.]

Rolf: "It's clear from your essay that you write very well and concise and have a point."
Jen: "Well I learned that from you. Papers are supposed to have points! :)
Rolf: With a hint of a wry smile, "I suspect you knew that before though."

Probably the easiest and most relaxed interview I'll ever have.

Practical Use # 2

2008-10-10T21:12:00.001-05:00

Last night I discovered an ingenious use for those active wear headbands that lots of teen girls wear during soccer games. I got mine to keep the short hair that misses my scrunci out of my face while I'm playing or exercising.

New use: Holding an ice pack to your forehead. Hands free!!

From the Inside Out

2008-10-09T22:50:00.002-05:00

For those of you who've been keeping track, Ben, Kirstin and Raider have now moved from Houston, TX to Valparaiso, IN into a hospice center. Ben is doing well without a breathing tube and they are comfortable and together as a family in the center.

The grief and injustice of Ben's situation has naturally brought to light questions about life and death. Since I've been so stressed lately with classes, work and all other varieties of little things that require my attention, I've taken the last few nights off from reading for history and just crashed. Took an hour nap each afternoon/evening and watched lots of TV/DVDs.

Needless to say Ben's situation has tossed me into deep existential waters. So here's what's been on my mind.
1) We really are just one whole being (body and soul) as the Hebrew scriptures testify. So when we die, like Paulson said in Jesus the Savior class, we wait in our graves until we are raised at the last day [for do we not deserve to wait as sinners and betrayers for the fullness of God's grace?). I still have a hard time stomaching this, but it makes more sense than a divided body/soul (thanks so much Greek philosophy). And who's to say what "in Christ" will look or be like after death [especially when I'm already in Christ now for certain as a baptized child--is this true for all creation because of the work Jesus did on the cross??]?

2) The greater issue at hand for me is the intensity on life now which this situation forces. We only get one life and one chance to live. There are no do overs or dress rehearsals. As a perfectionist and one so deeply in love with God, I dread disappointing God. Part of me says "You're gonna fail because you're human and imperfect. God will still forgive." But it feels like it's a trite saying because what we do is so grieving to God (when we screw up and hurt others or cause pain/division in the world).

So is it true that God's forgiveness goes beyond disappointment, grief, hurt and the shortfalls we do/cause?
Can God be so grieved and yet still wipe his hurt/grief away out of love for us?

Then I look at the rock Paul gave me on internship. Tangible, baptismal proof that God loves me ANYWAY no matter what. So it must be true, but I need to hear it.

3) My other worry is about stress and life. Is this the normal amount of stress most pastors endure on a day to day basis? If so, how will I ever survive? Perhaps this is just a crisis moment or perhaps senior year at seminary is more intense than congregational life.

My prayer tonight was sung through the words of a praise song entitled Inside Out by Hillsong United. You can find it on YouTube with lyrics in case you are inspired to sing along. May it bring your soul healing should you find yourself in a theological hurricane like me.

Practical Use #1

2008-10-08T22:44:00.002-05:00

I've known this for a while now, but thought I'd more publicly share my wisdom.

So you've got all these theological books sitting around that you've read, but are no longer interacting with on a daily basis? Here are some tips for making use of them!
1) Coasters--Whether on the couch or on the coffee table, a book cushions the table and the cup. Though if it's a book you like, I'd suggest putting down a napkin in case of spills or sweating cups.
2) Pressing Things--What better way to flatten a flower, other greenery, or something you've glued together than with some weighty theological books? Again, a sheet of paper or paper towel is wise in case there's bleeding from whatever you're trying to flatten.
3) Piled Up--Either to even something out or as a decorative display, a colorful, multi-sized, varied thickness stack of books is pleasing to the eye.

Financial Rant

2008-10-02T22:31:00.004-05:00

Tonight I watched the VP debate. Before seminary I did everything I could to avoid politics and governmental/civic life. I didn't understand it and it was just a bunch of name calling and yelling. Why would I want to listen to more of that in my life?

What prompted me to write this post is all the commentary on this financial bail out. I love how we have figured out a way to blame someone else (banks and the mysterious entity that is "the economy") for our problems (over spending and digging a financial hole by living beyond our means) thereby acquitting us of our guilt and sin and getting someone else to clean up the mess (the rest of the US paying the bill for all the people who screwed up).

Now if I was in trouble and in need of the money lost through this financial blowout, I would want help too. It sucks for those people who've lost their investments. But when are we going to own up to what we do? When are we going to take responsibility for our own actions? When are we going to accept the consequences for the evil that we do? This kind of stuff doesn't fly in Kindergarten, so how are people still getting away with it???

With Lips of Praise

2008-10-01T23:11:00.003-05:00

This morning I awoke to a song on the radio that has been stirring my soul with praise. It's called Mighty to Save by Hillsong United. I searched for the lyrics online to get the title and came across listings for YouTube. In an attempt to purchase the song online (and potentially the whole CD) I realized I didn't have quite enough online credit. It will have to wait for another day. In the mean time I am watching videos of their songs on YouTube. It is both healing to my soul to sing songs of praise and also provides rewards in between reading for history. Seriously. The history of religion in America is incredibly interesting and explains so much of why people are the way they are today and why our nation functions the way it does. Fascinating. But back to reading...

Bitter Joy

2008-09-30T23:13:00.006-05:00

Today started out great. I even made it to history class early--unheard of!--and had a lovely chat with Ingrid on the way there. Made it through the turmoil of insurance waivers, had lunch with friends and went to dinner to celebrate Kelly's birthday. Congrats girl!

When I arrived home I read about 2/3 of the chapter for history class tomorrow and during one of my breaks I read some blogs. Ben isn't doing well and has taken a turn for the worse. He's having seizures, inflammation from the chemo/radiation and now a cyst as a result of the tumor starting to die. Currently he's stabilized in a coma in ICU. What started out as a mostly joyfilled day has taken on a very bitter taste.

There are lots of theological things I could tell myself, but none of them really matter in a situation that seems so unfair. The future of their family is being ripped apart. I know that none of us are guaranteed life--it's all gift. Maybe that's just it. My soul aches that Ben's is potentially being cut so short. Raider might never know who his Dad is. Kirstin might become a single Mom to a 1 year old.

God.....do you have anything to say about all of this?

Falling Into Place

2008-09-29T23:03:00.003-05:00

Most of my life seems to be characterized by falling into things. Certainly there are parts of the process where I am deliberate and make choices, but mostly life is random and ambiguous. That's how I experience it anyway.

Last Friday I went to a young adult gathering through Redeemer called Common Ground. I didn't know anyone there and went by myself. Turned out to be really quite amazing. We spent time in prayer and conversation about what we wanted the group to be and do. Not only did I get to meet some new people roughly my age, but they were all so different and each had their own unique story about life. One of the best quotes from the evening was about how we wanted to welcome new people to the group. Someone wrote "as if they were an old friend with whom we had lots of catching up to do." What a neat way to approach someone you don't know! Instead of seeing a stranger you see a friend; one who is worth your getting to know.

One thing I wanted to focus on this year was having a place to belong. Even though it's only a year, internship taught me that a year is ample time to make a difference in someone's life and for them to change you as well. Imagine my surprise in stumbling on this oasis of people who are looking for community. As an added bonus the group feels called to do some tangible, visible, committed service. Yet one more thing I really wanted to focus on this year and make a part of my life.

In all of this I am keenly aware that God has provided these opportunities for me. Not in a scripted sense, because there are other groups I could have joined or service places I could have committed to and likely found a way to belong. I am simply grateful that this oasis isn't a mirage. I've already had some wonderful conversations and I can't wait to get to know more people in the group.

Anticipated Grief of a Real Imaginary Kind

2008-09-25T22:27:00.002-05:00

I have been waiting for today to come and end. All week I've been working toward a bunch of deadlines which all ended today. This morning I had history class as usual, then came the funeral sermon, a quick lunch, then internship debriefing, work and at last...time for me. First a quick pause to talk about the sermon.

All week I have been pouring over this random situation I selected last Thursday and how to preach some kind of funeral sermon about it. I've never written one before, so a fresh challenge it was. The situation I had was a 40 year old woman named LaVonne who died from breast cancer leaving behind her husband and 3 kids aged 15, 12 and 9. I thought it woudl be challenging enough but not too far out of reach from all the tragic funerals we had at Trinity last year. Strangely the situation I selected randomly last week became reality this week. I discovered about a month ago that the husband of a friend of mine (Ben and Kirsten) has a brain tumor and surgery is not an option. They also have a 1 year old son Raider. Just this last week I found out that Ben's brain tumor is a stage 4 glioblastoma. The kind of cancer from which he is unlikely to recover. What was originally a removed funeral sermon suddenly became a very personal reality. It felt like I was trying to write Ben's funeral sermon instead of imaginary LaVonne's. I finally pulled something together that seemed decent--definitely not my best work--and gave it today in class, volunteering to go first to just get it over with. I was good until about 2/3 of the way through when I started thinking and only bad things happen when you start thinking during a sermon--I started crying. It was excruciating to get to the end. But I made it. My classmates were most generous in getting me a roll of toilet paper to blow my nose and our lab leader Pastor John Mann gave me a handkerchief which, while wrinkled and scraggly looking, he promised was clean. So it's been a long day.

Tonight I only did things that I wanted to do. As part of my celebration tonight I had my first chiropractic visit. Mostly because I was curious about what it would be like, but it released so much tension and stress. I felt like I was standing taller and straighter and much more at ease. More importantly...I did something for me. I invested in my well being and it felt really good.

Continuing the celebration, I watched the Grey's Anatomy premier. It was pretty good. I like the story line that the hospital is low on the list of top hospitals. It mirrors the slowness and awkwardness of the last season. I'm curious to see where it goes. I'm also hoping Christina's hot new military surgeon comes back. During the first half of the show I hemmed a pair of pants that I bought about 6 months ago. Somehow the motivation of wanting to wear them tomorrow spurred me to finish them.

Flying By

2008-09-17T16:17:00.004-05:00

Did you ever get the feeling that life is just slipping through your fingers like water?? That's been my week so far and it's only Wednesday. Sure I'm still adapting to a new schedule and a new semester of classes, but can I hit the pause button for just a few hours or half a day? When do I get the chance to not feel like I NEED to be doing something so that I can just rest?

Today was supposed to be that for me. I did get to sleep in, but then almost missed getting to chapel in time to help with communion like I'd volunteered. This involved running up the hill to the chapel and feeling all gross and sweaty. Then I ran off to discipleship to do the opening ritual for the session because I felt compelled/called to do so last week. It went really well. I co-opted Paul's idea about the anyway stone as a reminder of baptism and God's promises combined with some scripture and an awesome baptismal/flood prayer I used for a double baptism in the Puget Sound last year.

Then I ended up not meeting with my professor (who incidentally disappeared into thin air--I think it was a faculty meeting, but I like the first version better), read a chapter of history, did a bunch of e-mail/online things, learned about my ED II class and how I can't supply preach that Sunday because I MUST be at all parts for full credit, and tried to read for my Christ in Asia class, but someone had already checked out the book. I know, it sounds like I didn't actually plan on this being a "me" day. That's my whole point. Life is just coming too fast lately to take a breath.

Now as I head home I need to hit the bookstore to check on prices for my ED II class, still have 2 chapters more of history to read (this starts a new book now) and maybe then I might get to rest.

One thing is for sure. No matter how much reading I need to do I am going to do some exercise when I get home with my beloved balance ball. The stress in my shoulders must go somewhere outside of me.

We Are Pilgrims On A Journey...

2008-09-13T15:47:00.002-05:00

The song that line comes from is kinda cheesy (Let Me Be Your Servant by Richard Gillard). It's a ho-hum tune and gets annoying after a while; but so does constantly moving around and being part of a nomadic people. Maybe that's the depth of what the composer and lyricist wanted to convey. The last few years have found me caught in-between a love/hate relationship with being nomadic. There is adventure, excitement, challenge, variety and change with each new setting. There is also leaving, goodbyes, packing/unpacking, losing things/people and the general dis-ease/malaise of feeling lost. One of my great lessons from internship is that life truly is constantly in the midst of positive/negative. It's one huge dialectic. With joy comes sorrow. With life comes death. With pain comes healing. With faith comes doubt. With fear comes security. Just to name a few.

When I stepped away from getting an MDiv degree and heading toward being a pastor I ended up taking about 9 months to a year off and just feeling like I was wandering aimlessly as I muddled around in the dark with more questions than answers or directions. I lost the class of people I started with who were my closest friends. We'd been together since day one of seminary, but I couldn't just go on internship like they were all doing. I wasn't there in my faith walk and didn't have all that much trust that it was the best decision. So I said "no" and stayed behind at the seminary looking for jobs in chemistry (my undergrad degree) and working to finish an MA focused in the New Testament. Somehow in the midst of all this changing and running around that I was doing God was still at work creating good things for me on my behalf.

I still kinda miss the people I started with, but the group I'm with now is different in a good way that I can't quite put my finger on yet. All I know is that despite my fear and insecurity and distrust in God, God has worked (and still is!) all things out for good because God loves me. So not much more than praise from this corner! It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me in my head--that God loves me so much, that God picked me to belong in God's family--but I'm ever so grateful that God is who God is (I AM who I AM--Exodus 3.1-14).

I have to say though that it's not being on internship that I miss. It's being with a people and belonging to a people that I miss. So I've determined to go belong to some other people in this area instead. Maybe I'm just taking JC seriously, but when I walk into church, that's the oasis and "home" for me no matter how many times I've moved around in the last year. It's taken some adjusting to get used to, but it's okay...I guess.

So I'm a nomad. God still loves me, provides for me and travels with me. Really...what more can you ask for?

What Does It Mean to Belong?

2008-09-13T08:30:00.000-05:00

Two Sundays back I went to Redeemer for the first time since I left for internship. Somewhere in the middle of singing some praise songs I found myself in tears. I missed Trinity and Redeemer is very similar to Trinity in many ways. Later that night before I went to bed I sat and thought about what had happened that day. I'd been crying over leaving Trinity for at least a month and I began to wonder if I was missing some part of the healing process that should have been more obvious to me. It seemed so close and yet I couldn't quite name it. As I sat there thinking, it occurred to me what the issue might be.

My last sermon at Trinity was on the Canaanite woman who asks Jesus to heal her daughter but JC says "No, I came for the lost sheep of Israel." So the woman pleads, "Even the dogs eat the crumbs from the master's table." JC then responds that the woman's faith is so great and her daughter is healed. I saw so many similarities in her story and mine that I shared how lost I have been for most of my Christian travelings and how I have been searching for something missing which I knew had to do with God and me, but that was about it.

Afterwards, Paul came up to me and asked me "So how's the story end?" I never did get to answer him. Eventually I wrote back that "It ends with me finding what I was looking for--love, grace, acceptance, belonging." My story is the Canaanite woman's story. Most of my life in the church I've felt like an outsider. I grew up in the Lutheran church, but they never seemed to speak my language. There was no youth group and so I had to find my own connections through my friends' youth groups (which entailed a smattering of theologies and beliefs). When I had the most questions and confusion (basically 6th grade-college) it seemed that the church had abandoned me to my own devices.

What I realized from my Sunday episode after I'd written out some of what I was feeling was that I missed belonging like I did at Trinity--not just the people in particular, but the ways in which I was connected to them and how that made me feel. It occurred to me that all I had to do was start belonging somewhere else. It would be a waste in a sense and not using all that I've learned in this last year about how and what it means to belong to a people to just hole up in my apt. and feel sorry for myself, or to keep mourning and miss the morning (Psalm 30.4-5). Not that grief isn't real or will instantly disappear. I guess this is the piece I thought I was missing. My plan is to get more involved at Redeemer and start building some connections there. A year is loads of time to make a difference in peoples' lives even if you're leaving at the end of it. Such have I learned on internship.

So I carry with me this larger question: What does it mean to belong? The kind of belonging that cares for your social, emotional, physical, mental and spiritual well being. It doesn't just happen, but takes time and cultivation. It's something you grow into like a garden producing its fruits and yield.

First Week of Classes

2008-09-12T16:10:00.003-05:00

I survived! Despite having to finish off my approval essay and wrap up final internship evaluation paperwork and start all my fall classes, I made it through the week with only 3 stress headaches and a couple crying sessions. Yesterday I mailed out my essay and all the final intern paperwork, so it is DONE in my book. Just a few signature pages to ferry to the right places and then I'm all set.

I lost my immunology, chemistry and my Jesus the Savior reader to the evil mail system called the USPS, but I am moving on. So far all my classes seem like they are going to be great for learning and discussion. Great professors and fun people with which to learn. I'm most excited that it's Friday and I finally get a chance to rest and catch up on some sleep.

Last night I spent some time trying to get my palm pilot working with my computer. Turns out I will need to buy some software for the sync capabilities for Outlook, but it should just be a $20 upgrade. Worth it, in my view, to have my schedule right at hand. Plus it's way lighter and smaller than my laptop and turns on/off faster than my laptop.

So fall semester of my senior year, here I come!!!

Meet the Parents

2008-09-07T15:56:00.000-05:00

This last week my parents have been in town to help me move in and settle. It's been great to see them and just hang out since Karen and I ended up moving all my things out of storage. We went shopping a lot to replace some of the things I had to leave behind in WA and also to have some food to eat this last week.

My dad cleaned and waxed my car, Elle. Some evil bird pooped on it and apparently not enough rain came to wash it off and so ate through the clear coating and the paint layers. He did some touch up with paint, clear coated it and then waxed the entire thing. Can't forget that he changed the oil too! It's nice that he gets to contribute to caring for me by taking good care of the car. I know he likes it that I have a safe vehicle to drive.

My mom and I did some decorating and dividing up of things into their proper places in the apt. She took my stole home (Trinity's gift to me--obviously they think I'm getting ordained. I love that they have such faith that it will happen.) so we can alter it a bit for my vertical challengedness.

Both of them were excited to see me. I hadn't been home since January for just a few days, so my mom was missing me something fierce. My dad had been out in April, so he wasn't quite in as great of need as her. What can I say? There are airplanes that come out to WA and she doesn't fly. Oh well.

I went in to work on Weds. and after a brief walk around to see everyone who was there Lisa had me running Thankathon sheets to be called and other asundry tasks. I ended up staying 3-4 hours instead of just the 2 on which I had planned. Then was in the next morning to finish off the sheets.

Went out with Kelly and her friends Friday night at the Chatterbox Pub just to chill. Neat place. Pub with board/card games and lots of mingling. I spent Sunday afternoon back at my cafe and wrote out my entire final intern evaluation. Will soon be submitted on the internet and out of my hair!! Hooray!!

Unpacking the Wedding Service

2008-08-31T15:44:00.007-05:00

Friday was spent unpacking the loads of stuff that came with Karen and I as well as checking in with some old and new friends. It was helpful to make some connections with people again as it felt like I had just landed on some other planet in another universe--a place where I didn't know the customs, inhabitants, or local area. Was it even safe to breathe the air??

Saturday Karen and I went to Matt and Becca Poock's wedding. It was fun but strange that there were so few young adults and almost no seminary people. Instead of spending the night we opted to leave right after dinner and head back toward the Twin Cities. Karen met her parents at the I-90 and I-35 interchange and I passed her off to spend 2 months at camp doing environmental ed. amongst a thousand other job requirements that do not belong to her. We had great driving weather and I was fully reminded of how flat the midwest is.

Sunday I opted to go to Redeemer up in Fridley since I had the time. Wonderful that I did. I got to hear their intern Pete preach and reconnect with their lead pastor Dave. The great highlight was that Scott Nocton was there! He's been battling leukemia for the last 1.5 years and is doing well. He is in remission and has a clean bill of health. Now it's just checkups to make sure he stays that way and building up his health and strength. He's antsy to get ordained on Sept. 21 and to do some work instead of just sitting around getting poked at. Can't blame him.

Late Sunday afternoon I plopped down at my new favorite cafe (Caribou) and wrote out the rest of my approval essay. Great to get that all out of my head and into the computer. I'm going to let it simmer a bit in case I want to make changes before submitting it.

Classes start Sept. 1....tomorrow. Yikes I'm so not ready for that. Still got so much paperwork to turn in with the approval essay and final intern evaluation stuff that it's extra stress added to moving, classes, leaving and life in general.

A New Old Frontier: Flatland MN

2008-08-28T23:04:00.001-05:00

Today we traveled from Bismark, ND to St. Paul, MN. The morning drive was fairly uneventful. We reached the Fargo area around noon and planned on stopping there for lunch. Apparently in ND it is typical and acceptable to not post what food, gas or lodging is available at the exits near these towns as they are so very metropolitan. Sadly we sailed through Fargo with no food. Suddenly we were in MN and the nearest town was Fergus Falls--oh yes, 47 miles away. So on we drove.

The drive that extra hour wad kind of hard actually. The long awaited journey to MN had finally arrived and it seemed to have happened all too soon. The reality of what I was doing sank in and I tried to keep the tears in my eyes. The end was fixed and certain now.

We actually had a nice lunch at Burger King in Fergus Falls. I stretched and walked around the parking lot while people from the drive thru stared at me strangely. Karen sat in the car and soaked up the sun. It was rather chilly in the car due to the sun keeping our top halves warm and the AC freezing our feet. Naturally the body responds by sweating. The sun was a welcomed relief from the odd climate of the car.

From there it was a quick couple hours into town despite some light early rush hour traffic. Before we realized it we were pulling into the seminary parking lot around 5pm and off to the housing office to pick up my apartment keys.

Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a young woman appeared at the curbside. Her name was Beth and she lives in Apt. 109 (right below me). She offered to help me move my things into my apartment. I was surprised. No one at Luther does this. Not unless you ask them to help you or you already know them. Apparently at PLTS "everyone" comes out to help you move in when you arrive. This is facilitated by the U shape the apt. building is in, but nonetheless, there she stood waiting to help me out. Within a half hour the car and the roof top bag were emptied, in my apt. and Karen and I had made a new friend.

Amidst unpacking we wound up emptying out my storage bin searching for the bolts to put the futon base together. We didn't find them, but we did move a lot of stuff into my apt. Including my dresser which was quite challenging considering that we were using a cart on the roughest black top ever. If the dresser wasn't rumbling off the cart then a drawer was flying out or the other side chest was flying off the cart. One of the drawers did fall onto the ground and got knicked up pretty good. It's on the bottom of the dresser now. Oh well. It adds character and tells a great story!

When we couldn't move anything more, we finally sat and rested. Or more appropriately, passed out from all the driving, traveling and moving. All I could think when I was falling to sleep was: Where am I?

Rest the Body, Challenge the Mind

2008-08-27T22:44:00.000-05:00

From Missoula, MT Karen and I drove to Bismarck, ND. We headed out around 10:30am and drove through some more of the Rocky Mountains. It was not quite as picturesque as I remember it on the drive out. We saw loads of hills that had black sticks of trees which had been burned years before and were just starting to grow the grass and small plant life back amongst the black toothpick trunks. Karen was a bit drowsy from the dramamine so we enjoyed some singing from the CDs I burned for the trip and the very dry scenery--beautiful in its own way and harshness.

We reached Billings, MT for a lunch and bathroom break. From there Karen drove to Miles City, MT while I napped and flinched in the passenger seat. Apparently my light sleep kept me twitching at strange moments. It was so relaxing to rest and not be driving. Miles City brought us an excellent stopping place where we paused to get coffee from Starbucks and wander around Target to stretch our legs. It's nice to know that there are a few reliable comforts like Starbucks and Target which are easily found when you are crossing the country. I checked in with my parents and let them know we were still alive and making great time. They found it amusing that we were in Target, but that's just what Karen and I do to destress--retail therapy; even if we don't buy anything.

I took over driving again until we reached Bismark, ND. For most of this part of the drive Karen wasn't feeling well and I was contemplating if I needed to find a hospital with an ER at one of the exits we were passing. Fortunately she started to improve. As we made our travel into the evening hours of the day, Karen read from A Formula for Parish Practice by Timothy J. Wengert and we discussed articles 1 and 7 of the Formula of Concord. Driving is an excellent time to discuss theology I must say. Who better to speculate and muse with than my cohort in theology? We tackled what suffering is/not and whether it was in the Garden of Eden pre-Genesis 3 or not. We debated if one could take communion without being baptized and what that did to baptism's place in the life of the church. How often should communion be taken, what qualities should the one leading communion have if any, what makes one worthy to receive it and what do you do with the leftovers? How is Christ present in the Lord's Supper and how does that shape your view of Christian doctrine? There's really nothing better you can do with driving time than talk theology and balance it with singing great songs.

We pulled into Bismark, ND around midnight and got a good deal on a cheap hotel room. With a little wind down and snack time (props for meat treats of steak and bacon!!) we passed out for the night and dreamt of strange things that didn't make any sense, but proved for hilarious morning conversation.

Falling From Elle...or Grace?

2008-08-26T23:00:00.003-05:00

Monday was spent packing indoors as it was raining all day. Luckily I left the car top bag open so water could get in and allow for whatever I packed in there to become wet. Today Karen and I spent the morning doing a marathon packing job of cramming everything into Elle [the name of my car...Elle the Explorer] that would fit. It was like one huge Tetris puzzle (a game which I love btw...).

I had to pay a price to move everything on my own. I left behind cleaning supplies, plastic food containers and garbage cans as well as the foam pad that tops my mattress to make it feel all cloud like and comfy. The hardest part was letting go of my wine glass set from Ikea. But there was no room in the car. I know it's just stuff, but it's my stuff and it's all the stuff I have. It's not like money to replace these things grows on trees. They weren't even all that expensive, it just hurt to let them go. I didn't prepare myself for the high cost of trying to move by myself without my parents' extra space in their vehicle. [And don't even mention the word Uhal b/c they wouldn't rent a trailer to my more than capable vehicle...] Amongst all the other loss and letting go I was doing, the glasses just became the straw that broke the camel's back.

Anyway, back to the point of this post. So Karen and I were packing the car and shoving things in left and right, up/down, through windows, beneath the matress, etc. The grass was wet and I had taken off my Chaco sandals for better gripping power on the car. Standing with one foot on the boxes in the car and one foot on the frame of the door I was trying to shove bags of curtains and sheets into the front left corner of the rooftop bag. The next thing I know, I'm on the ground on my back with boxes falling out of the car onto my right leg. Got some pretty nice bruises and cuts that will take at least a week to heal (right on top of my shin bone...oww). The amazing part is that the grass was really soft, I didn't break any bones or bruise my back/organs and I didn't even get the wind knocked out of me. About 15 mins. later after Karen pulled the boxes off, I realized what happened and she helped me up, I was up on top of the car packing more. Nothing like getting right back on the horse.

In the end, the car was packed full to the top, I stopped into the office to return a pie plate and pass on some more things that wouldn't fit in the car (and truthfully didn't need), turned in my keys to the house and church (which, as I predicted, was the hardest thing I had to do all year), said a few more goodbyes and then walked out the door. We made a few stops to drop off a bag at Goodwill and then headed out Rt. 2, down through Wenatchee and Ellensburg and onto I-90 where we continued out of the state into MT. Sadly, we breezed through ID in the dark. Driving was easy (apart from the windy roads in ID where I cheated in the lanes on turns b/c I could and it was late and we were going a bit fast). We buzzed along until we were just too tired to focus and spent the night in Missoula, MT. We settled into a slightly pricy, but probably the cheapest place we could find, that resembled a lodge inside. It was cozy enough even though the beds were a bit stiff, but they did have cable so I got to check the weather and get a tiny dose of my Food Network addiction.

Stay tuned for the next day's journey back to MN!

A Birthday to Remember Part II

2008-08-04T19:02:00.004-05:00

It's official today--Happy Birthday to me!!

Today started off with a trip down to Shoreline/N Seattle to drop off a gift to be completed for Paul. Turns out the lady offered to have it ready if I had the time to wait in the area. I had already planned on treating myself to a walk around Greenlake (~3 mi.) and as usual I have a book on hand to keep me busy if I need to wait somewhere. So off I went for a wonderful sunny walk around a beautiful lake. I talked with my Mom (though I'd already called her at 9:16am her time as is our tradition on my b-day), sat in the sun and read for a while. Finally the call came and I picked up the gift. Since it took 2.5hrs (longer than expected) I headed straight for Goodwill to pick up some shorts for yuck night with the high school kids.

From Goodwill I headed to my favorite cafe Spotted Cow in Mill Creek. I called my Dad and chatted with him a bit, then waited to meet Paul for one of our last supervisor/intern conversations. After texting and calling his house, he finally showed up at 2pm (our usual meeting time, though we had agreed on 1pm for this day). We had a wonderful conversation. I never thought I'd get to met anyone like Paul and I'm so grateful I have. He's such a wonderful mix of creativity, wonder, questions, grace and uniqueness. Watching and interacting with him has been one of the strongest means of salvation for me this year. I don't know if I could have healthfully continued in ministry without his constantly pouring God's grace on me this year.

From the Spotted Cow I traveled a few stores away to a restaurant Azul (Latin inspired cuisine) to meet up with the office ladies for Girl's Night Out and to celebrate my b-day. Those ladies are such a hoot when you get them out on their own!! Happy hour made it a cheap date too.

Finally I made it to the Jeremiah Center for Yuck Night. I sat in pickle juice, had orange juice poured on my head, had oatmeal in my hair, tossed balloons full of old milk, ate cake (decorated with refried beans, nacho cheese, pickles, mayo, cheetos, and oatmeal), guzzled tons of a gallon of orange Gatorade, did a slip and slide (through ketchup, mayo, cheese, noodles, old milk, cottage cheese, oatmeal and any of the other left overs on the yuck cart) and then wrestled in a mud pit with mostly dirty water and rocks. So I washed off some of the yuck, but got a few bruises on my feet and cuts on my legs. Boy was it worth it though to be with the kids and build those relationships with them in goo and grossness!!

All in all, a wonderful birthday. One I will not quickly soon forget and it's up there with the top best birthdays!!

A Birthday to Remember

2008-08-03T22:48:00.000-05:00

Okay so it's not official yet because it isn't until 9:16am tomorrow morning, but in my family we celebrate a birthday week not just a day. First off was a BBQ at the McCullough's house on Saturday. I didn't realize I would end up being the star of the get together, but it was fun to celebrate my birthday family style--gathered with those who I've grown to love over this year and with whom I share some deep connections. The highlights include a huge bunch of birthday balloons, delicious food, great conversation, a huge cake with raspberry filling and chocolate frosting, Dad (aka Dick McC.) coming in at the last minute to break out an emergency candle to light for my cake :), cards with goodies in them and best of all a long conversation with Sue and Dick about how I've ended up where I am today. It was a wonderful night.

Today at church I shared leftover birthday cake for the morning coffee shindig and whilst I was worshiping God with the McCulloughs amongst others, my intern committee secretly brought in a chocolate cake with delicious frosting, a card and a balloon. I didn't know about it until after the 3rd service because I ended up talking to people and getting ready for the last service. After the potluck with the Chinese congregation, Kirsti from my intern committee brought me one of the best gifts I think I've ever gotten on my birthday--flowers. No one ever buys me flowers and I never get them for my birthday. I was so surprised and grateful. Now carrying around flowers (very fragrant lilies) people in the narthex began to notice and they all sang happy birthday to me.

None of this includes tomorrow's festivities which I will blog about then. You'll just have to wait for the 2nd edition...

Processing, A Prayer and A Conversation

2008-07-30T17:43:00.003-05:00

I've been pretty sad lately thinking about having to leave all these amazing people I've come to love and enjoy working with, but I'm also scared that this might be the best
that somehow now it's time to be tested for how much good I've received
that there's this expectation of hitting a home run all the time.

To that God says NO.

You live each day with me in my love and together we'll work through it and figure out how best to deliver my love to people. We're a team remember?? You and us. Four persons are better than one. Why would I reduce my love and providence for you just because life is changing? You forget that time is in MY hands; that I AM your God and not the other way around.

But I'm so scared.

And yet my perfect love casts out all fear. My prized possession, why would I care for you so tenderly and well all year only to abandon you? My love--that's who/what you are to me--I could no more divide myself in half or cut off a part of me than leave you behind or cast you aside or sever you from me. My love is who I AM and who you are.
So you see, you and I are one--always and into enternity. For my love is Christ in you.
I know it hurts. Remember I can feel what you feel. Healing will come....I promise you that. In the meantime, we walk through the pain together--you and us. That's what communion is about; sharing life and breath in the joy and sorrow--always together.

Something New

2008-07-29T17:42:00.002-05:00

Today I learned that you cannot pee and cry at the same time. It just can't be done. If you don't believe me, try it yourself. :)

A Self Divided

2008-07-28T18:21:00.003-05:00

Often I find myself divided--wishing this blog tended more towards the deep thought side rather than the recounting of my daily life events. Both worthy things to be blogged about however. I recognize that I need an outlet for both. Perhaps the creation of another blog is in the works??? I suppose the deeper truth I realize is that while I am capable of going to that deep spot of conversation and thought, I often am willing to sacrifice that for the sake of another's understanding and participation in a conversation. Translation has been at the heart of my calling in ministry since I started studying Greek and Hebrew in seminary. For me, it's not about how smart I look or how academic my sermons or dialog are. What matters most is that the gospel is communicated in a way in which people can understand and digest; a way in which it becomes part of their soul. Yet at the same time I crave those deep conversations which fuel my creativity and ever widening wonder at who God is and how God works with, in and through us.

The Day in Review

2008-07-28T17:51:00.003-05:00

Last Friday I gave to VBS presentations and then clean up. So today I decided to take some of that time back by going to a movie and working off site at my leisure. After the movie I bought the Mummy 2 on sale and found a Christmas ornament that reminds me of WA. The ornament has been on my list of things to do for a long time now. Perhaps it was spurred to the top because I packed up and returned my Christmas tree to the church today. I had borrowed it from last year's VBS props for Avalanche Ranch. Wanting to go to a cafe to work, but not wanting to use the gas to drive there, I decided to head home, change, regroup and walk to Tazza Bella. I just calculated that I hoofed it 1.79mi. No wonder I was tired and craving an iced tea! I will be taking a bit of a shortcut back through Lynndale Park. Tonight is water wars at the Jeremiah Center (not to be missed) and I intend to spray others and get thoroughly soaked myself. Should be a blast.

Once I arrived at the cafe I was successfully productive in making an appointment, confirming my pictures are ready for pickup, posting on Paul's blog, editing my LSA for internship and editing my intern project proposal. So much easier to accomplish outside the office.

VBS: Power Lab!

2008-07-26T22:50:00.006-05:00

All last week I was Hydro-Jen and did the openings and closings for VBS with the theme Power Lab. Jesus gives us the power to be thankful, to help others, to be brave, to live forever and to tell others about God. Today, in VBS mode, I coined the phrase "Jesus gives us the power to be who we are!" The day before it was "Jesus gives us the power to be joyful!" See how catchy it is once you've been repeating it for a week straight??

My wonderful lab assistant Professor Peabody (aka Kristian) was a great partner all week in the skits and experiments. We had a blast meandering around and playing with the kids inbetween openings/closings. Kristian was really good with the kids, especially the boys (Krisitan is about 6ft. tall and built like a football player and he's only in 11th grade) b/c he could pick up two at a time--one in each arm. Have to say that Wednesday's squirt bottle game was the best. I was soaked and got squirted in the eye multiple times! The kids loved that day.

I got into my part and did quite a bit of work on my hairstyle each day to be as creative as possible. Here are some shots.

Tour de Mountlake Terrace

2008-07-25T22:30:00.000-05:00

Tonight I surveyed the Mountlake Terrace parade. I found myself remembering parades I'd gone to as a kid--how my grandma taught us flag etiquette (stand and honor/salute only the very first flag of the parade), the motorcycle corps that do driving drills, the classic cars, the local representatives and those running for offices in the fall election, the Shriners in all their various forms and regalia, the cannon blasts, the clowns and of course, the candy. The real reason anyone actually goes to a parade in the first place.

I raked in a fair amount of candy (i.e. a large handful) compared to the Edmonds parade (which, barring the children's parade, was a complete bust). My inviter, Sue, meandered with me through the classic fair rides, the "for sale" and "come join us" booths, and the food/music area. All in all, it was a lovely evening for walking to the parade, around the fair area grounds and then back to the house/car. The prize of the night was the jump rope procured by Sue. She was beaming with excitement at her rare find.

The Gift of Ireland: More Than Sightseeing

2008-07-19T19:54:00.017-05:00

Just returned from a week long trip to Ireland with Karen. Still trying to figure out what day and time it is. Woke up this morning half expecting to be in a bunk bed at a hostel with Karen sleeping above me. Everything in the house here feels foreign to me. Strange smells and surroundings. I wish I could have stayed longer in Ireland, particularly in Galway. As a way of transitioning back to WA, here a few shots from Ireland.

We started by spending a day walking along the River Liffey toward the W end of Dublin. We paused to eat lunch (i.e. chocolate cake) on a boardwalk on the N of the River Liffey. Boy was it tasty!! Of course we did eat more than cake. I had a pasta salad with British Chicken in a cream sauce and Karen had a 3 bean wrap.

From Dublin we traveled by rail to Galway on the W coast of Ireland.

This is a shot of the countryside just outside Galway. We stayed 3 days at a great hostel in downtown Galway City. The county is also named Galway. The W coast of Ireland is absolutely gorgeous. Galway City has a slight urban feel at the city center with surrounding residential suburbs. A short .5-.75mi walk from the city center puts you into the residential area. I know this because Karen and I went for a run around the town for some exercise. On our run we located a large field, a fort in Galway and a local park on the Galway Bay. From Galway we took two day trips: one to the Aran Islands (Inismor) and one around the area known as the Burren in County Clare S of Galway. Enjoy the video from our bike tour of Inismor.

On our way to the star highlight of our bus tour of the Burren, we stopped off at the Poulnabrone Dolmen--an ancient burial tomb dating back to 2500 BC. Here's Karen and I while we were still fresh and enjoying the bus ride. After we made it to the lunch stop around 2pm, we'd had enough of the bus ride. If only we could have procured our own rapid transportation back to Galway where we had to catch the 6pm rail back to Dublin. Our guide Paul assured us that we would be back by 5:30pm and have plenty of time. As it was, we showed up at 5:45pm at the corner of the train station and just made it onto the rail in time!

This is probably one of my favorite shots of the Cliffs of Moher. I took so many it was hard to choose, but this S looking view gives you a feel for how green the landscape is on top (even amidst the limestone surface), how sheer the cliffs are, a touch of the ocean washing up on the coastline and the expanse of the cliffs themselves. Mind you, this was taken at about the halfway point of the cliff viewing area. It was surprisingly windy that day, though we were very lucky to have the sun and a clear day. The day before was overcast, rainy and had very limited visibility.

Karen and I both fell in love with Ireland as we knew we would. When we return, we hope to spend more time on the W coast near Galway and rent a car so we can tour at our own pace. There is still much to see N and S of Galway and the lack of the side to side and lumpy bumpy tour bus ride is fine with both of us--especially with Karen. The interesting challenge of renting a car is that I have never been taught how to drive a manual and renting an automatic costs 2x as much. While Karen can drive a manual, she'd prefer to do it on the "right" side of the road and the car. Of course the greatest difficulty is just getting where you want to go based on the road signs!!

After returning to Dublin, we were in a bit of shock from the change of a more rural city to the sprawling urban of Dublin. To help remedy this we took a day trip N to Howth, a sleepy coastal town with a huge port and docks. While there we walked in the rain and strong winds (~25-30mph) to the lighthouse and then dropped into the local catholic church which happened to be open. There we paused to dry off, light some candles and rest in prayer. Afterwards, as the rain had stopped, we checked out the St. Mary's Abbey ruins and cemetery. This was the perfect day trip because it gave us a chance to balance out the busyness of Dublin and to talk and share stories from the last year.

To close, I'll add in a few random photos that are a must from our trip. First will be the inside of the catholic church in Howth where we paused for prayer and dry weather. Second is me wearing my Ireland shirt in Ireland. How could I possibly pass this one up?? Finally I add in a picture of Karen and I at the Dublin Airport before we left for the US.
As I was planning for the trip and booking hostels, I expected our vacation to be a time of sightseeing and trying to pack in as much of Ireland as we could--just in case neither of us made it back. What I realized during this trip was that we actually went to Ireland to find each other. We traveled from opposite sides of the world and different countries to meet up on a green island in the North Atlantic to remember and deepen our relationship. Sure we went to sightsee and be tourists. My 272 pictures and movies are testament to that (and that doesn't include Karen's which will fill in some missing holes from the rest of our trip). The real reason we spent all this money and actually made this idea into a reality was to find each other after nearly a year and a half apart living parallel lives in separate universes. That is the great gift of Ireland--not all the goofy things I bought for my family, friends and coworkers, but the opportunity to share life deeply with my sister Karen.

Cookie Monster

2008-06-22T23:30:00.000-05:00

Back in college I used to give up cookies for Lent. It was my thing and it was always hard owing to my love of cookies--all kinds by the way. The cafeteria never made it easy because they were always well stocked with a wide variety.

Growing up in the church, people are always happy to provide food. Someone dies and there's oodles of food at the reception afterwards. Confirmation or some Sunday School event and there's snacks all over the place. Church fellowship and the potluck appears like it was magic. Now that I'm on internship I'm seeing even more of this. Exhibit A would be the empty tin of cookies I got from Eileen because she got them in her mailbox and is on a diet. Exhibit B would be the plate of cookies from a recent memorial service.

Today I came to the conclusion that if I could be healthy and survive on cookies alone, I would. I crave cookies. They are my favorite go to dessert. Imagine with me all the combinations of cookies: with or without nuts, chocolate, fruit, oats. And then there are coatings: frosting, sprinkles, cinnamon/sugar, plain--and yet I hate cooking them. They take too much patience. Who needs a round cookie when you could just dump the dough into a pan and turn it into a convenient bar?

I love cookies.

When Your Armpits Cry

2008-06-20T23:35:00.000-05:00

There’s that moment when your body reaches a temperature where you’re hot but not too hot, yet your comfortable--and then it happens. One big drop of sweat runs down your arm like a tear down your cheek. You’re thinking “I wasn’t that warm so why am I sweating? And why does it have to come in one big drop? Gross!” Honestly, how is sweat supposed to cool your body when it runs off you that fast? All it does is make you feel nasty and messes up your clothes. This I do not understand.

The Good Hurt

2008-06-18T23:02:00.002-05:00

Relationships are tricky things. What amazes me the most is how dependent human beings are on relationships with others and yet how temporal most relationships actually are. As kids we begin to learn how to relate to other people in good and bad ways through positive and negative experiences. These are the lessons we internalize deep within us whether we realize it or not. We are capable of inflicting great harm or creating immeasurable strength through the ways we relate to one another. Growing up, I had people who were very close to me abandon me and wound me. So losing people or saying goodbye or ending relationships has not been a positive experience for me. When the topic comes up and it personally relates to me, I cringe like an abused animal that hides in the corner for fear of the next blow. There are 2 responses:
1) Lash out in defensive anger
2) Say and do nothing

As I only have 2.5 months left in my internship at Trinity, it's time to be thinking about saying goodbye. I cringe as I read that sentence. I am also navigating the distance from my supervisor as he is on sabbatical for the last 3 months of my internship. It's bittersweet as I learn to fly on my own, but it's a form of goodbye and it's a precursor to the end of August. Apparently the way my brain is choosing to express all this emotional turmoil is by crying--a lot.

Psalm 30.5 reminds me that "weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes with the morning." Well there's been plenty of weeping for many nights, so my question is: When is the morning coming? The other thought floating in my head as I wait in this in-between time of almost done but not yet is that maybe the writer meant "mourning." I know, that's a cheap slip on the English translation and doesn't even begin to address the Hebrew in which the verse was written. But doesn't it make you wonder? Maybe the joy we experience through weeping actually does come in and through the mourning. Now that I've looked at the Hebrew, joy can also be translated "cry of lamentation, moaning."

Any respectable theologian (apparently) would not bother to read and especially not quote Matthew Henry because his interpretations are so archaic. Well count me in the non-respectable pile with the sinners as I give you some words to ponder from Matthew Henry.
"as sure as the light of the morning returns after the darkness of the night, so sure will joy and comfort return in a short time, in due time, to the people of God; for the covenant of grace is as firm as the covenant of the day."

The part that resonated with me was "in due time." The morning comes in God's time. We also know that God does not tarry, is right on time and is faithful to deliver on God's promises. That's why weeping, mourning, grieving becomes the good hurt. Before I wander into the corner of theodicy and whether God created suffering or not, let me just say that God experienced and knows the depths of what suffering is through the death of Christ on the cross. God understands the in-between time of weeping and morning. So I guess no matter how long the night endures, God is there in the dark with you--and me. That's some of the best good news and grace I've ever heard--even though my soul is still rent open and the tears keep flowing.

Trailblazing

2008-05-30T11:34:00.003-05:00

You know that feeling when you end up somewhere you didn't expect to be but it turns out that it's a good thing? I never planned on getting really drawn into stewardship at Trinity, but I have apparently wandered onto this path through the forest and SURPRISE! Here I am. A whole new connection level for Mark and I. From what I can tell he's pretty excited about it. Maybe just because it's a passion of his and he's excited to see an intern with an edge for it.

I've hiked a lot growing up on family camping trips. My parents taught me to recognize the trail blazes and to make sure we were following the right on so we knew which path we were on and weren't getting lost. As Paul and I talked about leadership in the midst of not having things "figured out" (because that's a myth that things will ever be "figured out") I asked where the grace was in that which gives strength to keep leading. That's when we talked about trailblazing. There's one goal (though we didn't verbalize it, in my mind I named it Christ) and lots of ways to get through the forest to that goal; different trail blazings, paths that cross or parallel. The grace that comes is in trusting that first of all there is a path through the forest (God provides for God's people). Along the path through the forest grace comes in seeing the kingdom of God here in the now. Not as a teaser or quick taste, but in its fullness and reality. It's hard to describe what it looks like, but you know it when you see it--
when people love and care for each other
when an old man sells the car he's saved up for all his life and really loved and cared for, wiping it down after each drive, polishing it inside/out so that he can care for his wife--"what is a car compared to another day with my wife?"
when paths meet and community is shared in Christ's name.

Our calling is to work together in bringing more kingdom into the now. Which leads me back to this surprising place of stewardship. Didn't see this bend in the path coming, but what a unique opportunity to bring more kingdom into the now.

The Problem of Ingratitude

2008-05-13T21:03:00.003-05:00

At Trinity we've been talking a lot about budgets, lack of income, generosity and how to make all those things balance. Whenever money talk is on the table logic and rationality take a backseat. In a place with lots of energy and passion, people are quick to say yes to good ideas and slow to back up their excitement with finances. It's amazing to see people discerning their passions and turning them into active ministry and growing in leadership.

In the midst of all this conversation I keep wondering in my head "What is the root of all this lack of generosity?" Certainly fear is a huge factor, especially around the economy, housing market, government and recession. For most of the people here knowing where they work and their level of living, it's a perceived rather than actual fear which is preventing generosity.

Then I think "What about ingratitude? What about expecting all the good things without making the difficult choices? What about not being aware and grateful for the abundance we already have?" I've noticed this attitude in myself and I think I'm beginning to see it now in the congregation around me. Maybe the deeper issue is some people are grateful, but do not connect and translate their gratitude into their generosity. So how do you help people make that connection? I'm not sure, but I am responsible for writing the cover for June's newsletter.

I Love My Balance Ball

2008-05-12T20:37:00.001-05:00

One of the best investments I have made this year is to buy a balance ball for exercise. While it doesn't address the social aspect of meeting people that going to a gym would, it's far cheaper than a gym membership and it's something to which I have immediate access any time I'm stressed or feel the urge to exercise. It's rewarding to do my own chiropractic and core strengthening work.

I love my balance ball!

The added bonus is the workout DVDs which came with the ball are led by people who are positive and affirming. Hearing their affirmation reminds me to focus on how I'm feeling and how good it feels to exercise and stretch away the stress and anxiety. Later on in the day when I can't exercise I can remember how good it felt and carry that with me.

Best Workout Ever

2008-04-21T01:49:00.002-05:00

Tonight I had the most awesome opportunity to play pillow polo with the high school kids. There was running, jumping, crashing, wall collisions, tackling, smacking, ball attacking, clobbering, whacking balls, slipping, falling, ball busting (sorry guys!), gut poking, screaming, sweating, squealing and laughing. This is quite possibly the best game ever to be played. And play we did for 2 hours straight. If you played this game everyday or even 2-3 times a week you'd be in phenomenal shape.

Best highlight: Josiah (Jeremiah Center Director's son) getting smacked in the nuts, bending over with a look of sheer pained horror on his face and turning white pale as he tried to "shake it off."

Plus I got to get to know some of the high schoolers. I'm teaching for them next week. Probably going to address identity and knowing yourself. Truthfully, I'm mostly just pumped for pillow polo!!

Confectious Disease

2008-04-10T19:23:00.002-05:00

This afternoon was spent in a food coma on Libby's couch in Pasadena, CA. After consuming couscous flavored with pearl onions, sundried tomatoes, ripe tomatoes, currants, lime and basil and a huge cup full of beef stew, the next 2 hours were a blur in and out of sleepy consciousness. Libby returned post class and she shared some bizarre stories of recent connections with people from long ago. Whilst she was gone to tutor a kid, I putted around the apartment, downloaded some music and swept the floor.

While working on my computer I looked down at my hand to notice a brown smudge. It smelled of chocolate. As I itched my forehead trying to imagine how this could be, I noticed a huge line of chocolate on my left hand. Fearing it was all over my face I went to the bathroom mirror. Face clean, however shirt with large chocolate blob. Even more dismayed than before I cleaned up my hands and shirt. Looking down to my pants I found yet more chocolate. Feeling remorse for having looked at the chocolate bowl earlier and now wondering if that caused some kind of strange attraction of chocolate to my body, I began questioning if I had blacked out and missed some period of time when I consumed chocolate and proceeded to get it all over myself. Remember no time when this happened, I cleaned off the bottom of my computer and sat back down on the couch.

Is it possible that if you don't eat chocolate when you see it in a bowl it will later attack you? Is there such a thing as a confectious disease which causes chocolate to appear on your body in odd places without your consent or knowing it? Someone explain this mystery to me....

Three Cups of Tea

2008-04-07T21:50:00.003-05:00

Tonight I devote my blog to the social phenomenon of coffee and tea drinking. Both are truly addictions. Cafes provide open community meeting space. For the most part, gone are the days when community was formed in the streets as kids played games. It's absolutely fascinating to observe how people combat the loneliness and lack of human contact technology creates. Local cafes are now my 2nd office. Honestly, if you're in the people business, why not go where the people are?

Where have my 3 cups taken me today?

Cup #1 delivered calming comfort and fidget prevention during my meeting with Paul today. It's nice to have something to keep my hands busy and taking a drink always gives you a chance to think questions over before answering. I suspect this is why offices are outfitted with coffee and everyone is always encouraging you to "have something to drink." It's a buffer for awkwardness and slow/delayed brain processing.

Cup #2 was a delightfully refreshing Iced Pomegranate Red Tea. That cup helped me get a start on the evaluation and to reconfigure my taxes after having completely skipped a worksheet which increased my federal refund by about $5. When I redid the state taxes the $5 was taken back. Easy come, easy go. Coffee and tea provide motivation and energy for finishing projects. That cup also allowed me to overhear the story of a woman sitting nearby as she told her friend about working through an abusive relationship with her previous husband. I'm continually amazed at the conversations people will have in a cafe. Such a public piece of property is magically transformed into a personal, private confessional where people feel open to speak about whatever is on their mind. All this is done with a couple cups of coffee and/or tea. Humans are excessively creative in how they create personal space in a public area.

I'm on cup #3 at the moment. This one is Ginger Peach Black Tea. It's also pouring outside so I'm trying to make this lukewarm cup last as long as possible in the hopes that I will not be drenched on my way to the car. This cup is helping me work through my 6 mo. evaluation that probably should have been sent in about a month ago. My excuse is that Easter got in the way. In-between creative responses to poorly worded questions I am compiling two new playlists: one for the car ride when I leave WA and one to leave with Paul and all the people I love at Trinity. Hopefully when they hear those songs they'll think fondly of me. The playlist is by far the more important task compared to the evaluation. This cup has afforded me the opportunity to connect with the young girl who sold me the cup of tea. She ventured outside in the pouring rain to take down the umbrellas on the outdoor tables. As she pulled the catch out of the first one, water doused her. When she asked if I was laughing at her I said through the glass "You're very brave!" A brief connection that will probably not be remembered by either of us in the near future, but a moment of time to feel slightly less disconnected and isolated on this Earth.

Where could 3 cups of coffee/tea take you?

Death By Cereal

2008-04-06T12:52:00.000-05:00

It's official. I have fallen prey to the comforts that sugary cereals can offer. Imagine with me the possibilities.

It's late at night and your tummy rumbles. You don't want something heavy because you'll be going to bed soon. If you don't eat something your stomach will keep you up all night. What's light, tasty, easy to fix and satisfying? Cereal.

It's lunch and absolutely nothing in the fridge looks appetizing. There's not much time to "cook" food. What can you have that's quick and will help take the edge off of your hunger? Cereal.

It's morning and no breakfast food sounds appealing. Eggs are too eggy, sausage and bacon are too greasy, potatoes are too much work, there aren't any bagels around, you don't have a toaster or bread on hand, and oatmeal and cream of wheat sound gross. What's left? Cereal.

It's the middle of the afternoon. You just got home from work and you need something to tide you over until dinner time. You could have a granola bar. There's chips around, but too much salt. You're tired from the day and could use a pick-me-up buzz. The cafe is too far away for walking. To what do you turn? Cereal.

If I haven't convinced you yet, give it a try for a week. The only caution I offer is that this is a truly addictive behavior. Be prepared for sugar withdrawal if you embark on this venture.

Sleepless in Seattle

2008-04-03T14:12:00.002-05:00

Not one of my favorite movies, but the title is clearly descriptive of my present situation. I am having a difficult time remembering when I last laid down to go to sleep and actually fell asleep on my own and didn't wake up throughout the night. I know....I'm a walking Ambien commercial. Pathetic!

As I'm not quite sure if I actually slept last night, I am witnessing to the loss of fine motor control and the inability to focus mentally on anything for more than about 15 seconds without a reminder.

To add to the hilarity of today, last night I went downstairs where I am dogsitting to print out a letter for a meeting this morning. I was excited when my flash drive loaded with no problems and the archaic version of Word 97 actually accepted my 2003 file. The printer even turned on and had paper in it. With so many positive signs I figured I could save myself a trip in to the church office for the printer. However, as the paper came out of the printer I was torn as to whether it was using invisible ink or if it was just out of ink. For all I know it was printing in braille that I just couldn't see in the darkness of their basement office that is being remodeled. There are no working lights down there though there is an overhead lamp but no light switch.

As I sit here at my desk I'm dreaming of being comfortably in my bed and asleep. At the same time I know when I finally get to bed I will still be thinking about the day and tomorrow. My prayer is that I pass out tonight.

Don't Let Me Get Me In Good Company

2008-03-10T18:51:00.004-05:00

This is the title of a great song by Pink. I mention it as a tribute to everyone who would like to take a vacation from themselves but finds that they can't get far enough away from the one staring back at them in the mirror. For those who find they are a hazard to themselves, rest assured you are in good company. Incidentally that's the name of a movie about finding out who you really are and learning to be okay when you discover you are not ultimately defined by what everyone else thinks you are or who they try to make you be. Such is the great quest of life: To become the fullness and wholeness of being you as you were created and to creatively share that wholeness with others.

Here's to a more radical freedom in life; a place where only one person defines who you are--God. Who better define you than the one who created you?
Speak your words of truth that I may know what truth is.
Tell me about your reality so that I may know what reality is.
Give me your grace so that I may have grace to give to others.
Saturate me with your Spirit that I may be only your presence.

Get It Together!

2008-03-08T20:18:00.003-06:00

Flexibility is a wonderful thing. As a kid I did (and still do!) cartwheels, roundoffs, and handstands. I took gymnastics for a year and my muscles still remember their limberness. When I can make time for it I do a yoga routine that stretches muscles you didn't know you needed to stretch. Yesterday I was snowboarding at Steven's Pass. As this was only my second time flying down mountainous terrain in the snow I am so-so. I seem to have a fair amount of talent, but am in great need of practice. Needless to say, my knees are badly bruised and I think my left one is swollen just a bit. My butt is too sore to sit on, so I am leaning on my right side most of the time until it heals.

In light of this I ask myself why I scheduled a training session with Trainer Dave at the gym today. Let's just say I have reached a new level of soreness. During my hour long pain inducing time I learned that Dave has a very flexible work schedule and can manage his time however he wants. Most of the time I also have this flexible of a schedule. That being said, I truly am in need of a Blackberry or a PDA that will pull all 3 of my calendars (home/work computers and the one in my head) into one place so when I need to schedule an appointment with someone like say Trainer Dave I can avoid double booking myself and actually remember to show up at the right time.

Here I Am Stuck in the Middle With...

2008-03-02T17:43:00.002-06:00

First let me just add the observation that there is this bizarre smell in the house like rotting garbage. The only things in my garbage can are some plastic wrap and a piece of gum. Since I took a shower today I'm thinking maybe my downstairs neighbors need to take out the garbage??

This afternoon I find the chorus from the song Stuck In the Middle With You running through my head. Earlier today I was scheduled to lead worship which included doing communion at each of the three services. While I was putting on my robe Paul dropped by my office/cube in full pastor regalia. He was supposed to be floating so I asked what was going on. Apparently Mark had asked him to take care of communion instead of me. I tried to go with the flow as part of the team, but something about it bugged me. Was I not capable or good enough to do it? If Paul was going to be there, was my presence necessary then? [Like the eunuch and Philip--here is bread and wine: What is to prevent me from leading communion?] Later on during a couple of the services Mark and Paul jumped in and did some of the pieces I was going to do. Were we in some kind of hurry? Did you really think I wasn't going to do it? (Apparently, since they did it for me.)

Lately I seem to keep banging my head into the intern wall. It's invisible, but you know it when you hit it. There is a great tension that is unspoken. On one hand I am expected to take initiative and be bold--to go for it. On the other hand I am expected to watch and learn whilst doing the tasks prepared/handed to me. Those two expectations are in opposition to each other. How can I be expected to lead effectively with little or no space to do so? I can't decide if I'm just being a snot about things or if this is a real issue worth haggling over. Guess I'll find out this week when I bring it up.

"Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you."

Conspiring Together

2008-02-29T18:46:00.002-06:00

Today was spent at Bethany Community Church in the Greenlake area of North Seattle conspiring about the kingdom of God. The morning kicked off with some acoustic worship that pushed some edgy thoughts like "When Jesus says to sell everything, does he mean have a garage sale in the front lawn or to have a garage sale of the junk that stands in place of God?" How about a passage from Isaiah 58.6-12:

"This is the kind of fast day I'm after:
to break the chains of injustice,
get rid of exploitation in the workplace,
free the oppressed,
cancel debts.
What I'm interested in seeing you do is:
sharing your food with the hungry,
inviting the homeless poor into your homes,
putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad,
being available to your own families.
Do this and the lights will turn on,
and your lives will turn around at once.
Your righteousness will pave your way.
The God of glory will secure your passage.
Then when you pray, God will answer.
You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.'

"If you get rid of unfair practices,
quit blaming victims,
quit gossiping about other people's sins,
If you are generous with the hungry
and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,
Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.
I will always show you where to go.
I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—
firm muscles, strong bones.
You'll be like a well-watered garden,
a gurgling spring that never runs dry.
You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,
rebuild the foundations from out of your past.
You'll be known as those who can fix anything,
restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,
make the community livable again.

The morning session I sat in on was with Mike and titled Friar with a Mission. Friars are portable monks. They establish community in the geographical area where they are sent, but live as ones without a permanent home. Traditionally friars could be moved at any time to a new location as the larger church deemed necessary. As one who has shifted communities of people and often locations 5 times in the last 3 years, it was affirming to hear someone healthfully living out a similar style. Mike spoke of the contemplative life as a disciplined way of tending to a relationship with God by solemnly promising to show up and be present for that relationship. I learned this back in college, but have lost it over time as I've found myself fearful of hearing, seeing, experiencing, etc. what God wants to say to me or how God wants to spend time with me. In Mike's words I found a taste of God's freeing ways for which I have been thirsting.

The afternoon session was with Dwight from Mars Hill Graduate School who addressed the topic The Dance of the Established and Emerging Churches. This session challenged me to be more open and gracious to those around me; to let go of bitterness, anger and pride in order to receive an outpouring of grace with open hands. It's easy to tear apart what has injured you or not been sufficient for you. I was raised in an established, traditional church. While they severely neglected me and did not really nurture my faith, this is where my faith life began and part of what has shaped me to be the person I am today. No human is an island unto themselves and to sever my deepest roots would deprive me of some of the richest nutrients from God. Somewhere in the dialogue I found an invitation to open and engaging conversation with people who are "other" to me.

Today was inspiring and energizing. I conversed with people taking risks in ministry and pushing the edges with groups of people who could just as easily turn inward and celebrate their small club until it dies off. Today I was reminded that life is richer when we share and make space for each other. Today I was reminded that there is room at the table for me, but I need to share and make space too.

How are you conspiring to make tangibly present the kingdom of God in this world?

The Story of Generosity

2008-02-26T23:22:00.003-06:00

Remember when you were 10 years old? When the question was first asked, nothing came to mind. After a few minutes I remembered that one of my cousins came home from the NICU on my 10th birthday. That was a really cool birthday present to hold him in my arms without any cords or tubes attached to him.

Tonight I tagged along with Mark on one of his stewardship visits. This was one of the starter questions that came up because one of the daughters of the couple we visited, Alyssa, is 10. It was truly amazing to sit with this family who I barely know and to hear them speak so openly, honestly and boldly about their faith and life together. They teach their kids about giving generously of their time and lives. They model and work with their kids to give anonymously and love those around them; even the neighbors nearby who have written angry letters to them about their dogs barking excessively. This family teaches their kids about giving, saving and spending money. Each one of them lives their faith in their own unique way. Alyssa went to Mark one Sunday at church and told him she wanted to start a project at her school to raise money to build a well for a village in Bangladesh. She had hoped that Mark would ask the Living Water group to help fund her idea. Tonight while Mark and I were talking with her parents she was working on a powerpoint presentation for the well project. Alyssa's 10 years old and she has an inspiring vision of what the kingdom of God looks like here on Earth.

Their stories stirred me deep inside. I wish I had such life and faith nurturing when I was growing up. I wish someone had taught me what it means to live out your faith when I was Alyssa's age. While I am in awe at how faithful this family is, I feel as if I'm light years behind them. How can I lead a people when I seem too inexperienced and stupidly inept? How can I be authentic with where I'm at in life (and how little I understand) and yet speak to where other people are at in life?

Edge of Grace

2008-02-06T01:39:00.001-06:00

The last few days have been spent reading through the posts on my blog. It's amazing how much I've changed since I've arrived here and yet, surprisingly, how much I've remained the same. When I was in MN I wrote so much more eloquently and deeply. I miss that. That being said, tonight at the mission council meeting as Mark was discussing stewardship approaches I realized something rather profound.

Lately I've been complaining that I never get what I want and when I do, it tends to blow up in my face. Amidst this I realize that I'm always given what I need. I reflect on these things in the light that I have been the recipient of some phenomenally amazing experiences in life and wonder when that is going to end (since nothing lasts forever here on Earth). Tonight I discovered that in many of these big events I could name times when I've been given what I need and simultaneously extravagantly graced with things that I want. All of this became clear as Mark spoke about not turning inward and holding things tightly, but living generously and openly asking for daily bread. Reminds me of the Music Box movie: "You're not supposed to horde it!" Lately holding on has been my motto. It's difficult not to grasp life tightly when change keeps coming at you. Reminds me of Henri Nouwen's book With Open Hands.

My latest commission at church is to bring opening devotions to the life group huddle retreat meeting. The focus for the day is something to the effect of "Living On the Edge without Falling Off." This afternoon's pastor's conversation allowed me to remind my co-workers that the gospel still sounds scandalous and illogical (i.e. foolishness) to those who haven't heard it deep into their souls like we have. I was freshly reminded that I am ever living at/on the edge of grace, in the tensions of old/new and now/not yet.

In Healing...I Am Undone

2008-02-04T23:12:00.000-06:00

I feel like adding something to the blog, but am not sure what to write about. I've been doing some writing lately and this one part of a poem I wrote seemed to really catch my attention (see below).

I sigh...
again to release the pressure.
In the instant I let go
You catch my breath
and I sigh for a merciful love that is not my own--
a grace which ends all that once was and used to be
a grace which rends wide the heavens and the very fabric of reality.
And it is enough.
In healing...
I am undone.

I find myself wanting to comment on these words, but they reach to such a deep level that it's hard to know what more to say than what I've already written. I suppose what I find most intriguing is the idea that healing is what makes me come undone. Usually we think of healing as the magic salve or pill that will cure all ills or will somehow right a portion of the pain/uneasiness we suffer. Though healing may not stop the suffering or pain, at the very least it will make a way for the pain to be bearable. Instead I find the truth to be that God's healing looks more like ending, dying, breaking and rending from my point of view. God's ways are not my ways and therefore I am prone to misconstrue and misunderstand the abundant and excessive grace God continually pours out on me. Imagine God just dumping grace on you like water without stopping. At some point all you have left to breathe is water. When the water finally gets too high and you find yourself choking on water instead of breathing air, suddenly you realize God has provided you gills to live and "breathe" in a new way. What looks to us to be death putting out our light and drowning us is in fact, from God's point of view, new life breaking in on us. This is the mystery of our faith. This is what my spirit longs to believe, but my flesh is too weak to trust.

Don't Say Anything At All

2008-01-31T22:50:00.000-06:00

Some days I think I'm all that. Today was not one of them. I opted for silence. "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all." My mouth stayed closed. After racking my brain for 2 hours to produce a small paragraph of nonsense to adorn the front cover of the What's Happening weekly newsletter, I gathered my things and threw in the towel. Just because I was rampant with grief didn't mean I had to share it with everyone else. Maybe it was the endorphins from my run this afternoon. Maybe it was because I let go of the crap that's been piling up. Maybe it was just God loving me in spite of how I treat and talk to myself. Like any good chemist, I know it was a combination of all these things and many more silent partners of which I am unaware. Once again grace prevailed in the darkest of corners despite the thick layers of dirt I built up and the dark curtains I had hung over the windows. Not even I can stop nor stand in the way of God's blinding love for creation. A brief word of caution: do not speak so warmly of faith and grace as if they were grandiose, romantic commodities. Flowers only grow once the seeds have given up their present life and shape and have been fertilized with manure.

Scenic Route to the Capitol

2008-01-30T22:36:00.000-06:00

There is life outside the four walls of Trinity. I was privileged to spend all day Tuesday in Olympia, WA at the state capitol. We left the church at 7am and down in Renton at the 5-405 interchange we started heading north again. When I mentioned we were in Bellevue, I navigated our driver west on 520 back to 5 and heading south again. This time we took the right exit and made our way to Olympia. Any trip I'm on involves at least one turn around. Fortunately we only missed opening comments and worship.

Back in 8th grade I vaguely remember we were supposed to learn the basics of government. Apparently it didn't stick in my brain. However, earlier this week it all finally clicked. Government is made up of people making decisions on behalf of others for the sake of the rest of the community they represent. Brilliant I know, but better to learn it late than never.

Advocacy and politics are not my strong suits. This day was extremely helpful in identifying concrete ways I can be involved in being responsible for the well being of others and why it's important to pay attention to these topics. At least for one day I didn't feel like unnecessary furniture.

Give Yourself A Break!

2008-01-26T16:05:00.000-06:00

These were the words Paul gave me on Thursday. Usually I have trouble knowing how much is enough; much like Ellen Page in Juno.
Juno's Dad: "I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when."
Juno: "I really don't know what kind of girl I am."

Since I generally listen to Paul's advice and wisdom, I promptly e-mailed Kirsti. By Friday afternoon I had scheduled two back treatment appointments for us and a haircut for me at the Aveda Institute in Seattle. As you can see from the photo, the haircut was a success! My hair has never been this straight in my entire life. Hildy and I had a lively conversation while I received the world's longest haircut (approx. 2 hours start to finish). It was well worth it though. They start with scented oil and a scalp massage. All I can say about the back treatment is that I deserved every penny of it and I will be going back for one again at least a couple times before I leave Seattle. This was the perfect recipe for feeling overstressed and needing to take a break.

Classic Erie

2008-01-25T12:25:00.000-06:00

Wednesday night I arrived home from my whirlwind tour back to Erie. I’m still trying to figure out exactly why I took this trip now, but that’s a story for another day. While at home I determined to take pictures of the blustery, snowy tundra that is Erie in order to share them with my co-workers when I returned. Amongst some neat shots of the lake splashing onto the break walls, I captured this sign advertising a chicken sandwich. Who knew chicken was “crispy frickin’”?

Not to be outdone by the frigid temperatures and inclement weather, Creamland (the local ice cream shop at the top of the hill from my house) posted their 80 day count down to their spring opening date. Sheer joy flowed through my body when I read the sign. In less than 70 days delicious ice cream will be served declaring that spring has arrived and no matter what the thermometer says that day, it will be warm enough to eat ice cream!!

Savor the Flavor

2008-01-08T22:08:00.000-06:00

New Year's resolutions are bunk. Most people never accomplish them and they are often forgotten as soon as January ends. This is precisely why I don't make them. New Year's has never been a big holiday for me. Usually I watch the ball drop with family, wind down by watching part of a movie and then crash in bed. This year involved a change of plans. Tradition was cast aside--or perhaps just recast--and I rode the bus to downtown Seattle to enjoy the fireworks at the Space Needle. Turned out to be an excellent evening and a great way to start the new year; like trying a new cuisine or cooking style and letting the new flavors meld in your mouth and tantalize your taste buds.

What has surprised me the most this year is the new edge that is emerging--taking risks. As I'm not fond of resolutions, I didn't plan this. Then again, surprise gifts are generally experienced as unplanned and unexpected by the receiver. Such is the case. Better still is that taking these risks is empowering me. The flavor is complex yet intriguing and makes me desirous to taste more. As a New Year's toast, here's to new adventures, unexpected flavors and delightfully surprising events. Cheers!

Broken Connections

2007-12-30T15:55:00.000-06:00

Evil happens in the world all the time, every day. In fact something horrendous is probably taking place as I type this. The text I had to work with this Sunday was one of the tough ones--King Herod and the slaughter of innocent kids. I'd been wracking my brain since the Christmas chaos ended to come up with something to say. Floating in my head: Why did they entrust this text to the intern?? (Though props to Paul for noting that I was the lucky one really because I got the one with dead babies while he ended up with the blah 3 magi text.) The transition is so jarring. What does this story possibly have in common with the stable scene from last week?

Last Thursday I happened to have the morning news on TV. I've been avoiding it as of late because I just haven't been in the mood to deal with the blaring outside world when I'm groggy at 7am. But Thursday morning I heard the breaking news that Benazir Bhutto was assassinated at an election rally. Still not sure why, but when I heard the news I had this awful sense of gloom and doom. I knew nothing of Bhutto and I'm no big feminist, but something about her death seemed very wrong and catastrophic. Somehow an important person had been lost.

This story was front page in my mind as I reread the text again and again. Blood is a cheap commodity in the world today; humans mere pawns in the power games of life. People in early Israel were expendable and disposable. They still are today too. Children are still slain around the world each day. The prayers for kids, refugees, etc. were much clearer today. I found that I couldn't just glaze over them and guild them into fairytale land like I (and most likely other people in the congregation) had been doing with the Christmas story. Thank God that Christmas is real because we have real problems. Thank God for a real flesh and blood savior who rescues us from this nightmare of evil.

Risky Business

2007-12-27T21:53:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I got to do something I have wanted to do for a number of years now. With the help of Kirsti's sister's snow gear I got to go snowboarding for the first time!! Quite possibly one of the best inventions in the entire world. Getting there was a real trip. Snoqualmie Pass has been getting lots of snow for the last couple weeks which means lots of inexperienced snow drivers. The road up to the summit wasn't that bad at all, but most people were going all the way through the pass and were in need of tire chains for the other side. Essentially that meant a 2.5 hour wait to travel 4 miles to the tire chain checkpoint. There was no one there actually checking, but that didn't stop people from driving at stop and go rates for 4 miles where there was then suddenly wide open road. Yea traffic.

Snowboarding was brutal. I probably spent 50% of my time sitting on the hill catching my breath, 40% getting up and falling and 10% actually flying down the hill at speeds that people should be wearing helmets. I wasn't trying to get hurt, but since I had no control to turn, it was pretty hard to not get going at ridiculous speeds. I didn't realize you could be this sore. But oh was it fun. I can't wait to go again.

I did take quite a spill on my second time down the hill. I must have flipped forward somehow and spun around because I smacked my head/neck on the hill and then flipped over onto my face. Ouch. Had a headache the rest of the time. Sadly I didn't replenish the ibuprofen in my purse so I had to wait until I got back home to relieve the pain.

Presenting Her Holiness...

2007-12-20T16:07:00.001-06:00

So this is my in my new alb. I've never been "crazy" about wearing them. My mild "nyeh" attitude toward albs was aggravated by having to wear a very thick, heat-holding, extra bulky, wheat colored alb for the last 3 months until the one I ordered arrived. Let's just say I'm really excited this one fits! It's got some lace like detailing on the sleeves and at the bottom. Nice box pleats in the front and back so it hangs well. Plus, the fabric doesn't really hold wrinkles so no ironing!! Boo yah!!

Winter Wonderland

2007-12-20T15:40:00.000-06:00

It hardly ever snows in Seattle, but when it does it's a huge event. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to snap some shots of the snow falling a couple weeks back. Also I included my Christmas tree in all it's small cuteness.

Playground

2007-12-19T13:44:00.000-06:00

This is Trinity where I work and play during the week. The room up front is the small chapel and the larger pod behind it is the main sanctuary. The office is in the back center and the preschool/child center is off to the left side.

There's four rows of seating (two on either side of the ones pictured here). Up in the top center of the ceiling is a huge skylight and two stained glass windows of the Luther Rose. The stained glass on the right here is a mix of old testament stories with a burning bush, Moses and things you can't quite figure out what they are. Everything on the platform up front is movable which give loads of flexibility with different programs and events (especially the choirs and music groups that come in).

This is my office/home base in all its busyness. I'm excited I have a window to stare out to keep me sane. Sadly though it looks out on the shopping village right behind the church. So occasionally I get to see the garbage being taken out, workers smoking, broken carts and drug deals.

Broken Bracelet

2007-12-16T21:37:00.000-06:00

When I was in about 5th or 6th grade my cousins taught me how to make those friendship bracelets out of embroidery floss. I took to the habit quickly and before long had branded myself with about 5-6 on my right ankle. I have had at least 1 or 2 on my right foot since then and sometimes up to 12 (they add up quick when you make the small thin ones). As they would wear out and break off I would replace them.

Last Thursday morning the last one finally broke. I haven't replaced it yet thinking that perhaps it's time to let a childish fetish go. In some ways I feel "naked" without my bracelets on. Usually they are hidden beneath a sock or pants and no one but me knows they are there. On the other hand, I feel kind of free from not having them imprint on my ankle when I cross my feet or sit on the floor.

In a somewhat unrelated event last Thursday afternoon I gained some maturity. People never tell you how much it will cost or hurt to "grow up," but we're all encouraged to want to grow up with great fervor. The circumstances are unimportant save that I felt wounded by the way one of the pastors on staff treated me. What he said made me feel that while I was gifted in some ministry areas, I might not be strong enough to take on the whole package (implying that I might want to reconsider my direction for the next 9 months). I'm fairly certain what he said was meant to help me and keep me aware of my growing edges "for my own good." From a bystander the wounds would be minor if not imperceptible, however the incident reminded me of how my committee treated me a few years ago. I get it. I have baggage and I'm still working on dealing with it. The shocking turn came when I came out of hiding, dried my tears and went back to said staff member and talked to him about it. Though he was still a bit confused as to what he did that caused such pain on my part, he commended me for making such a huge step in coming back and confronting the tension and uneasiness I felt.

I'm still not quite sure how this all fits together in my life. I recognize that I gained some self-confidence because I can literally feel this bit of strength inside me that wasn't there before. I fought for myself because I believed for once in my life that I was worth fighting for. So maybe it's a good thing that bracelet broke.

Anyway

2007-12-12T00:55:00.000-06:00

What's one of the best gifts someone's given you?
A book?
Something handmade?
Jewelry?
Clothes?
Their time?

How about one of those little, shiny, glass rocks that people use in fish bowls and flower decorations? You're probably wondering, "Why would anyone give one of those away? What kind of gift is that?" Fair enough. Let me tell you a story.

The glass rock to which I am referring came from a baptismal font at a previous congregation where Paul was serving. His last pastoral act was to baptize some people. He placed a bunch of these glass rocks in the font and did the baptisms. At the end of the service he handed a glass rock from the font to each person and told them all that though they would face difficult times ahead in the congregation and the struggles that come with calling a new pastor, they were all beloved, baptized children of God. No matter what happened or what troubles came their way in life, God's promises to each of them were sure and certain. The words spoken to Jesus at his baptism were true for them as well. "This is my beloved child." The glass rock, covered in baptismal water, was their "anyway stone"--a tangible reminder that God loved them anyway.

A few weeks ago Paul gave me one of the leftover remaining glass rocks. Mine to use and do with whatever I wanted. Today was a tough day. The glass rock traveled with me reminding me that no matter how rotten I felt, there is One who loves me....anyway.

Water, Water Everywhere....

2007-12-05T18:57:00.000-06:00

One of the lines I memorized from a poem (The Rime of the Ancient Mariner) in 6th grade (I think) was
"Water, water, everywhere and all the boards did shrink
Water, water, everywhere nor any drop to drink."
It's been snowing and raining here quite excessively. NW Washington is already wet to begin with and the Seattle area is practically surrounded by water on all sides. Nevertheless, precipitate it did. The storm came in 3 waves. A 20 mile section of Interstate 5 (one of the life lines of this part of the state) was shut down near Chehalis. Cities just outside Seattle are buried in hip high water. The basement of a woman from church was flooded. Lynnwood was essentially unscathed by all forces of nature.

Properly Seasoned

2007-11-30T16:34:00.000-06:00

I've been stuck in the wrong season. Thanksgiving day seemed like a measly celebration this year. Since I arrived, I've been living in a season of being thankful and grateful. Meanwhile the air got colder and the days shorter. Where was winter?? Somehow life was changing at the wrong speed or the gears were being shifted out of order. I was ready to move on, but the rest of the Earth was lagging behind. The thing that finally helped make it feel more like winter was the first snowfall that came on Monday night. I was out to dinner with the office ladies (aka, girl's night out) and just as we were leaving one of them said it was snowing. Sheer delight flashed into my eyes and across my face. My entire day changed when I heard there were flakes coming down.

I need the change of seasons. It's what flavors life and it's how life passes and flows for me. To miss a season is to miss a part of life or to lose part of the delicate balance of taste in a dish. It is the complexity of life that makes it taste so good. Here's to snowflakes that turn your day/week around and people who make you laugh enough to forget how you felt before.

Today's seasoning at the Border's Cafe is young single women reading books and older men passing time by reading or sleep-reading.

Camouflaged

2007-11-22T00:16:00.000-06:00

Remember when you were younger and wished you had super powers? Okay, maybe you still do. I think most people wish they could fly or have super strength or have x-ray vision. The one power I never remember hearing much about was being invisible. I suppose maybe because it's not really a super power. It's pretty easy to do in the everyday. You don't need to be anything special to disappear. In fact it's helpful if you're more of a nothing because then you blend in better with the background.

There are times when I like being invisible. Today is not one of them. It's always the little things that make you feel that way too. Like forgetting to give you a bulletin or not remembering to tell you that you were responsible for making sure you had prayers to read because you've never had to prepare them before. Perhaps it would hurt less if I hadn't spent most of my life on the fringes.

Simmer Down Now

2007-11-20T15:42:00.000-06:00

That was one of the favorite tag lines to a kids show when I watched Nikelodeon. The figure was a popsicle stick with googley eyes, marker lines for a face and a bow tie. I've been pondering that phrase the last few days and thinking about Sabbath. I try fervently to take my day off seriously and to protect it from work that might encroach. Usually I end up going out and doing something fun on my day off. This is good and renewing and refreshing, but should I be "resting" more?

What does it look like to rest? Should I be lounging on the couch more watching TV? Should I try to bring back more silent prayer time? How do you not do things (rest) while not feeling like a slacker or like you're missing out on a good opportunity to have fun? How do you do less but still have a full, busy, fun life?

Make me to lie down in green pastures Lord. Slow me down and make me stop so I can just breathe.

Ketchup

2007-11-18T00:41:00.000-06:00

Life has been flying by the last couple weeks. Today I arrived back from a lovely trip across the state of WA to Wenatchee to visit Amanda. We had so much fun, why did we wait so long to connect??? Hopefully we can be more diligent about getting together the rest of this year. It was wonderful to connect with someone my age and who I know already. Great to share battle wounds and trade war stories from the front lines of internship. Best of all was the drive back today through the Cascade Mountains with the fog, rain, snow, sun; it was all there, even gorgeous rushing waterfalls right out the side of the mountain!!! Does it get better than this??

Just got back from a Silvertips Hockey game up in Everett. So much fun! Haven't been to a game in so long and they won to boot! Even managed to slip in a quick post for my online class.

Tomorrow is a marathon day:
--Attempt to get up early to watch the altar guild set up communion
--First service 7:45am
--Teach 9am and 10:30am
--Move furniture in the sanctuary to accommodate band for night service
--Acquire items needed for service
--Unlock lots of doors for people (i.e. play church host even though I don't know where lots of things are)
--Eat lunch
--Take a nap if I'm lucky (most likely not)
--Finish and set up my millennium goal station for the service
--Find last minute volunteers
--Pull off U2charist 6:30-9pm (read, serve communion)
--Clean up sanctuary
--Go to bed at some point after winding down for the day

So totally up for the challenge!

The Good Rat Race

2007-11-09T18:05:00.000-06:00

Teach about Kierkegaard. Meet for coffee Thursday afternoon. Go to a planning session for the U2charist service. Meet with Paul to reflect on life. Cook lunch for staff after staff meeting. Funny how we can break our days down into bits and pieces. Quickly life ebbs and flows away. Especially when you are engaged in doing the "good things" and "fighting the good fight of faith." We are aren't we? We run the good rat race right?

It's amazing how easy it is to get caught up in the details and the doing and to forget about what's important. Such is part of the reason why I have taken to running in the morning and enjoying the silence of the sunrise out the back window of the house where I live. I appreciate mornings more now. There is something holy about the stillness of the morning and the fog as it seeps around you--especially when running. There is much to be said about delight and pleasure in the simple things of life. All too quickly it passes away and is gone. May this day be a moment where the quiet catches you off guard and you are made fully aware of all with which you have been graced and blessed.

Running High

2007-11-04T00:33:00.000-05:00

I'd forgotten how much fun it is to run a 5K with a group of people. My competitiveness led me to be with 3 of the guys on the team of 8 as they headed out to the front. Evidently I didn't run as much as I needed to in preparation and I didn't run as far as I thought. The standing around for an hour at the beginning of the day didn't help either. After the large, long hill near the beginning of the race, I lost most of my energy. I ended up walking maybe a 1/2 mile at most.

The obstacles were loads of fun though: crawling through large tubes, portion of a climbing wall, crawling under a cargo net, clanging a cow bell on the edge of the lake and so many more! It was an excellent course and the park we were at was enormous. It'd be neat to go back and run around there again to get a better feel for the lay of the land.

Still feeling pretty good from the run too. I am looking forward to sleeping though. I get the full circuit tomorrow of preaching at all 5 services: 3 on site and 2 off site at nursing homes. Here's hoping the sermon is worth repeating that many times.

This Is Your Brain On...

2007-10-29T13:21:00.000-05:00

My brain is fried today, but I'm preaching on Sunday, so it's prime sermon work time. Which means I lead the Sunday text bible study on Wednesday morning. Paul just dropped by to remind me that I also get to do the two off campus services at the local nursing homes. Basically this week and next Sunday are going to suck for time. I will be worn out completely. Then there's the Winter Pineapple 5K I'm running next Saturday morning. Holy cow, how did I get so busy?? Need Spirit to download sermon to brain NOW.

Peace At the Last

2007-10-23T18:55:00.000-05:00

Today I watched a woman die in a hospital. Normally the response would be "That's kind of weird. Why'd you do that?" It really wasn't that alarming to me because I went into my CPE mode. I didn't have to do anything, I just watched. I was just glad that I didn't have to do a hand print in clay of the deceased or cut off a lock of hair for the family. I had to do that as a chaplain in CPE. That was kind of strange. I understand that it brings comfort and helps people grieve, but it was odd touching dead people. You'd swear they're still breathing when you look at them. Amazing how your mind can deceive you with things like that.

In keeping with the death theme, tonight I get to hear Jurgen Moltmann speak on the Crucified God. I was planning on attending the budget meeting at church tonight, but I figured this is a once in a lifetime experience. The guy's pretty old and probably won't be around much longer.

Also with the death theme, I am going to check out a local Halloween party hosted by a friend of a young adult in the congregation. Should be an interesting time. Just have to work out the costume. I'm leaning toward pirate because I think I have the stuff for it, but I might have put the goofy pants in storage.

Tagged Again....This Time I'll Play

2007-10-16T18:28:00.000-05:00

4 Jobs I've Held:
1. Craft Cabin Director (planned crafts for the summer, taught/helped ~150 per day to do crafts)
2. Day Camp Counselor (on site: week long camps with 10 campers; off site: lead three person team doing week long day camps at different churches)
3. Undergraduate Chemistry Researcher (researched using a DMD as an inexpensive detector for AAS)
4. Sustaining Fund Coordinator (prepare spreadsheets, prep event data and mailings, produce the HS/Partners event program book, event data analysis)

4 Films I could watch again and again:
1. Pride and Prejudice (A&E version: all time favorite—Colin Firth, Jennifer Ehle….such an amazing book and movie!)
2. Pirates of the Caribbean: Black Pearl (great to have on in the background and I love the swashbuckling adventure)
3. The Importance of Being Earnest (yet another Colin Firth movie that is full of comedy and wit…need I say more?)
4. Ocean’s 11 (heist movie with surprise, intrigue, comedy—just plain entertaining)

4 TV Shows I watch:
1. Grey’s Anatomy (yes, I’m an addict. I like the commentary and drama and medical edge.)
2. House (another medical drama. I like the dynamic of relationships and how messed up/dysfunctional people manage to operate together for good.)
3. The Office (don’t see it all the time because of work or not being able to tape 2 shows at once)
4. So You Think You Can Dance (summer favorite—totally love it!)

4 Places I've lived:
1. Fairview, PA
2. St. Paul, MN
3. Lynnwood, WA
4. Hopefully soon Tijuana, Mexico (???)

4 Favorite foods:
1. Bread—all kinds really
2. Red beans and rice
3. Authentic Hispanic cuisine (Mexican, Spanish, Latin American)
4. Soup—there are few foods that are so versatile and can be packed full of good stuff

4 websites I visit everyday:
1. Weather.com
2. Google
3. Seminary page
4. Blogger

4 favorite colors:
1. Green
2. Burnt Orange
3. Mustard Yellow/Goldenrod
4. Wine Red
**Fall colors work best for me and are my favorites.

4 places I'd rather be right now:
1. Tijuana, Mexico
2. Barcelona, Spain
3. Ireland
4. Slovakia with Karen

4 names I like but wouldn't or couldn't use myself:
1. Lucy
2. Nathan
3. Olivia
4. Aiden

And my 4 blogging friends that I'm tagging are: (this is the tacky part…sorry people)
1. Megan
2. Natalie
3. Amanda
4. Karen

Aqui estoy

2007-10-16T00:31:00.000-05:00

Tijuana, Mexico was amazing. We worked at three different places last week. First we went to Juanita's where we spent two days

moving a huge pile of gravel from the street above to the house below--this traversed about a 15-20 foot descent down a hillside at roughly the angle of 30-45 degrees. Very hard work. We used large plastic buckets and manual labor to hoist them down to her house.

digging out the foundation and laying the foundation cement block wall including rebar reinforcements
mixing, passing and dumping buckets of concrete into the holes of the cement block foundation
chucking the empty buckets back for more concrete

The third day was spent working at clearing rubble from a crushed up concrete pad that used to be a basketball court at an orphanage for young girls aged 2-14. They house and care for 55 girls. We were amazed at how well behaved the girls were and how much the staff loved these children. We got to eat lunch with them. I talked a little bit with them in Spanish and tried to translate for some of the other group members during lunch when I could. The Mexican government donated a front-end loader to clear the rubble away from the front part of the orphanage where we had moved it.

The fourth and fifth days were spent working at Modesta's where we literally built the walls of her new house from floor to ceiling. It is truly something to see the walls of a house just go up in two days built by people who don't necessarily know exactly what they're doing. Wow. 12 block rows later and two cement pours to stabilize the walls and there's the house. She will have two windows and three doors; one for the bathroom, one for the outside and one a double wide to connect to the next module of the house they plan to build in the future.

I very much appreciated the Esperanza model for building community not just with the other people and families who enroll in the program and work (much like a Habitat project with sweat equity) to build their houses but also building community with the people who are building the houses. We got to know both the families and the girls at the orphanage in our short stays there. I even got to bless Juanita's house before we left. It was all just so inspiring and overwhelming. There was so much to take in and think about.

Like, do the girls at the orphanage realize that their lives aren't "normal"? Do they remember what it's like to have a family? How will they turn out? Will they be damaged goods or will they be able to turn out as stable, productive and capable people? Will Modesta ever be able to afford a new bathroom and the second part to her house? Who else will Juanita be able to bless with her smile and delicious food? So much to ponder.

I hope to be able to go back again. I'd love to spend my entire summer after graduation from seminary down there working with Esperanza. There is something very holy about working with the people there and being needed by them. There is something about speaking Spanish that just gets in my blood and I can't stop speaking it. It's intoxicating and invigorating. Praise God for trips like this that show you the world and change your view and, in essence, save you from yourself.

Aqui vengo!

2007-10-05T12:57:00.000-05:00

Voy a Mexico para construir casas por una semana. Debe ser divertido!

Did You Ever....

2007-10-03T12:36:00.000-05:00

Did you ever find yourself pursuing something and going after a goal that seems right and then, as the goal begins to materialize, realize that you feel like you have no idea what you’re doing? I think everybody ends up in this place.

Did you ever feel like you somehow missed out on a developmental stage or level of life and now find yourself trying to make up for that?

Did you ever wonder how you managed to make it this far in life knowing all the stupid things you’ve done and tried?

Music to My Ears

2007-10-01T23:56:00.000-05:00

In the last couple of days I have discovered how powerful music is in my life. I’ve always been aware of how important and engaging music is for me, but until recently I hadn’t realized the depth to which singing is soul mending for me. When I don’t feel good or “quite right” I usually turn to music to express with words the emotions I sometimes cannot name right away. Inevitably there is something in my playlist that just hits the spot for me. Generally when I’m feeling down I like to listen to some more sad songs to speak how I feel. In the last couple weeks I’ve found that I have been craving songs of praise to God; a far cry from the anxiety I’ve been harboring. Something inside me craved to sing praise despite my inner turmoil. I keep coming back to the story in Acts (16.25) where Paul and Silas are in the inner most cell of a prison singing praises to God. It must have been a dark, lonely and depressing place. Plus they had been flogged prior to entering the jail. Out of such pain, agony and despair came praise to God. The whole concept is quite mysterious to me. All I know is that it’s true as I have borne witness to the Spirit at work in me drawing out praise I could otherwise not give.

Grey's Wisdom

2007-09-30T22:52:00.000-05:00

At the end of this last week's episode of Grey's Anatomy I heard a great monologue about change. Basically all life is about change, but as it's been rather acute lately, I found the words consoling.

Change.
We don’t like it.
We fear it,
but we can’t stop it from coming.
We either adapt to change or we get left behind.
It hurts to grow.
Anybody who tells you it doesn’t is lying.
But here’s the truth: sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same.

And sometimes, oh sometimes…change is good. Sometimes change is everything.

Two South Africans

2007-09-28T14:02:00.000-05:00

People tell you to go and live your life; to make your own path and way in the world and to figure things out for yourself. So I do, but then I get stuck and confused. Then when I start to self-destruct and fall apart, people say "Why didn't you ask for help?" Well because you told me to go figure this out on my own!!

One of my professors at seminary once mentioned in class that we were only in seminary because we had failed at something in life. You know why I went to seminary? Because I am a failure at life. I had to go to learn how to live without hating myself so much, to cure my soul that had been in agony for years and to figure out how to be an adult. Well I'm kind of half way there. Let me just say that why I went and why I was called there are two different but related things. People tell me that your 20s are supposed to be fun and exciting and full of life and adventure. Well the 20s suck. I despise wishing away my life, but where's the fun? Where's the love? Where's life? If life is just getting up each day and going to some random job and despising your life, then count me out.

It's like people want you to be self-sufficient and an army of one. Doing that takes loads of energy. Energy that if supplied by only one person will drain them unto death in a relatively short period of time. So why do we abandon our young adults? Why do we shove them over the cliff and watch them flail miserably knowing that only a very few will be ready to fly that first time? Why do we send them on this sacrificial mission? Why do we break their spirits and bodies so early? What is it that we hope they will learn by us not walking with them and teaching them?

If you're trying to break our pride and our youthful arrogance, you needn't break our spirits along wtih it. True, this is no easy road and we young adults are not easy people with which to work. But life is different now. You don't just graduate from an institution and miraculously get a job or career for the rest of your life. Teach us how to discern and deal with change. Don't just push us off the cliff and hope for the best. To do so is to take the easy way out and to deny your call to community and the body of Christ. We're not impossible people, just difficult. But so are you elders.

Last night I met two people roughly my age from South Africa, Gareth and Julie. Besides their lovely accents, they shared the pain of being this age and having no idea what they want in life. There are options, but what's the next step? What will it cost if I choose this and not that? Thank God for other travelers on this absurd journey apparently called "life" who are willing to share their pain and joy in the hope that there is a future ahead of us that will actually materialize and not just remain theoretical.

Pass the Intern Please

2007-09-27T12:44:00.000-05:00

Here's a fun new game to try out! Even if you're not an intern, the same rules apply.

In the last 72 hours I have slept in three different houses. Each has its own unique smell. My current abode smells like very strong guy’s cologne and looks like my grandpa’s house. Last night’s place was more like a resort/hotel and it came with dogs. I really liked having the dogs. Easy way to be distracted from myself and they liked the attention.

The Polish Choir

2007-09-26T12:49:00.000-05:00

Last night I went to a choir concert at the church. Usually I don't go to things like this because it's really hard for my ears to understand what the words are that people are singing. Guess my ears aren't tuned that way. It was a teen boys choir from Poland. This was their first time in the US. They sang so exquisitely! The way their voices filled up the sanctuary was quite something. Their selections ranged from sacred to comedic to sad commemorative to musicals. I think this concert might have started to change my view on choirs.

Comparison Is Death

2007-09-25T18:17:00.001-05:00

This phrase was commended to me by one of my high school English teachers. I've always kept it in my head because I tend to store away information of that kind. The kind that is somewhat helpful at the time, but will most likely (hopefully) be useful in the future either to you or someone else.

These words have been coming into my mind in the last week as I've noticed how much I've been comparing my life to others' lives. Difference is good to notice and can be helpful in opening your eyes to that which you cannot or will not see on your own. Being the analytical self that I am, I notice the differences often and then sit and wonder about them. Why don't I write more about these kinds of things? Or, I wish I thought more like that. Or, If I could just stay more focused or more motivated then I could accomplish this and that.

Whilst these thoughts have been floating in my head the last few days, something Paul said joined the conversation. "All you have to do is be who you are right now, no matter what that is." And truthfully, is there anything else we can be? We only have these eyes to see through, these ears to hear with and these feelings to feel. How we experience life is the only version out of which we can speak.

But the grass looks better groomed and more verdant over there. Those people look happier than me. I won't be as good at this job because I don't think like this or I don't see things like that. The more I think these thoughts, the more I see of me; the more space I take up. Such comparisons spread through me like black death decaying every cell it touches, darkening the edges until all is consumed. As I slowly die, this phrase comes back into my mind. Until I start wondering, If comparison is death, what is life?

One Night

2007-09-24T17:25:00.000-05:00

Tonight I discovered the buzz about the ONE campaign and the Millennium Development Goals. An emergent group in the Lynnwood area is preparing a worship service to be held here at Trinity in mid November. Paul invited me to check out the meeting (which he didn't give me any background on--hence he's not a detail person) which he then left half way through to go lead another group. As I started to get a feel for what this meeting was really about, I became quite engaged. Finally something I could "do" and in which I could take part. Not that I haven't been doing things, but this was somehow different and loads more exciting. I guess I've been looking for a project. It was strange feeling a bit important as I had the key to the building and could kind of direct the group to what they wanted to survey in the facility. I know so little about the building and don't really know anything helpful about the people here since it's only week 3.

I've never been overly tugged at or called to what I assume most would call social justice issues. I kinda get it but I don't. I know it's important, but in my head it all seems rather fuzzy. Now that I'm involved with this service, I get to work my way through discovering how I can attend to and take interest in these justice issues even though they are not my passion. Here's to learning along the way!

Across the Street

2007-09-21T15:26:00.001-05:00

Today was a Tae Bo day. I just couldn't bring myself to go running. It was way too much work. Plus the top of my left foot hurts and I'm thinking it might be from running too much or maybe in bad form. Reminds me of my brother's foot fractures in the same place when he ran track. Though those of you who know my running style know I haven't run nearly enough to warrant such problems of the foot. Which is partly why I turned to Tae Bo today. Wouldn't you know, I strained the outside muscle on my left arm "throwing jabs" to the sound of Billy Blanks yelling at me on the TV "get your spirit energized!!" Seriously, if I knew how to do that on my own without you having to tell me to make it happen, I would have done it by now and would not be sweating buckets to the point I think I'm getting heat exhaustion.

Due to aforementioned Tae Bo-ing, I am now sitting across the street at Cafe Ladro putting some quality time in with my computer and uploading pictures from my trip out here. Apparently my spirit has been so "energized" that I needed a cup of sickenly sweet tasting tea (no, I did not add sugar to it--it just brews this way apparently) to calm my energized spirit and to soothe my sore left arm.

Today will be a low key day. I'm thinking of getting a DVD to add to my growing collection of ways to occupy my time when I can't find anyone else to hangout with or any other place to hangout. My next goal is to make some friends. There is a girl about my age on my intern committee. She enthusiastically said she would be happy to take me out with her friends. Sadly, I don't have her phone number or her last name. I'm hoping she calls me sometime before the next meeting in mid October.

Being at Ladro is also a way to avoid house work. Having added a bookcase and small side table to the house yesterday from a lady in the congregation, I now have pine needles and dirt all over the floor. Though I must say I am very excited to have my books out on display and a really cute table on which to put my pine scented candle. The living room looks a tiny bit more like my style now. THAT is what "energizes my spirit."

What This Place Will Do To You

2007-09-19T15:16:00.000-05:00

Tonight I sat working on my sermon for this Sunday. I had been racking my brain all afternoon to find the point of the text and how to turn that into a good direction for the sermon. Around 10pm I was starving. Upon entering the kitchen I remembered that I had little with which to work in my cabinets. After checking each shelf I came across a can of black beans and a jar of cheese salsa. Suddenly the lightbulb turned on and I knew what I was craving. I spent the next half hour chowing down on black beans, cheese salsa and tortilla chips. Oh it was gloriously delicious!!

The Backdoor of the Welcome Wagon

2007-09-17T11:34:00.000-05:00

Tonight I met my intern committee. There are some interesting people on it. One guy has traveled to 52 different countries. Some he’s flown to, some he’s sailed to on his own. The people range from one roughly my age to someone in their 70-80s. I’m looking forward to getting to know each of them, where they’ve come from and where they are at in life now. I’ve had to get used to being by myself. Partly because you just need to be okay being by yourself. Partly because I like to hide and protect myself from the messiness and stress of other people. Talking with the group tonight reminded me afresh that life is not all about me and what I do and know. Life is about connections, relationships and community. Without support and help from each other, we end up with a warped, inward gazing view of life. It’s the people around me who turn me inside out. Who help cut the ties that bind me up. Who help peel the scales from my eyes. I wouldn’t be here without them and they wouldn’t be here without me.

Being on your own has a way of making you wonder who will take care of you if you don’t or can’t. Who will watch the back door of your life? Who will be there to support you when you screw up, get hurt and leave a trail of wreckage where you’ve been? I know I can’t do it all and I can’t solve every problem. What makes me think I have to try? I guess this world brings that out in people. If you aren’t on top of your game, someone else will take your place. After all, we are expendable and replaceable. And how do I trust other people to not hurt me in turn? How do I know that they will take care of me?

Tonight on the TV I saw a commercial for the show Journeyman. It’s about a guy who travels back in time and changes history for the better. The guy says “What if I get it wrong?” and one of his partners says “You will. That’s part of it.” So…kyrie eleison.

Hot Stuff

2007-09-16T12:15:00.000-05:00

Today I helped co-lead the Sunday services. This morning at 7:30am it seemed as though this was going to be an insurmountable task. I was opting for death instead of “death in the pulpit” as one of my professors refers to it. Difficult as I thought it would be, I had to do surprisingly little. I’m not even sure what I was so freaked out about this morning. As soon as I started speaking and realized that I was doing fine, I calmed down. I suppose part of it is that I’m still not 100%--maybe about 75% at best. Normally leading worship wouldn’t be such an overwhelming task. It’s not like I haven’t done it before and even at strange places where I know no one.

After the first one, things went smoothly. Well, except for one of the communion servers missing at the 9am service and the acolyte’s light blowing out at the start of the 10:30am service and having to fill in for the assistant to collect the offering plates and during communion because she was singing at both times. So we had a little bit of everything today it seems. I just wish it wasn’t so hot in the sanctuary. They keep it at about 77F. It’s down right tropical in there!! Either I’m trying not to fall asleep or not to sweat to death and pass out. Those robes are like wool blankets!

Baking Mishap

This afternoon I am off to a “meet and greet” picnic with the pastors in the surrounding area. Apparently they want to meet the new people. Paul informs me that I am invited. I decided to go with a pan of brownies as my contribution. They were supposed to be caramel swirl.

Brownie lesson #1: When the box says knead the packet, the box means it.

What was supposed to swirls ended up being caramel glops. From what I can tell, a few people will get mostly caramel and others will get mostly brownie. At least they’ll taste good…heh heh heh.